dealing with NO

James 5:12 "...let your “Yes” be “Yes,” and your “No,” “No,” lest you fall into judgment (hypocrisy)."

 

Hypocrisy: the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one's own behavior does not conform

 

 



No is a painful thing to hear and even more to accept. "No, I didn't like the food you made." "No, I don't think that outfit is flattering." "No, I don't want to be with you."

 

No. It's a brutal word with enormous impact.

 

Yet no is sometimes the answer to life's opportunities, chances, and desires.

 

I hate no. I didn't get where I am now by accepting "no" as an answer. I had to overcome no, the no in my mind that said I would never make it, the no that said I would never amount to anything. I have do that sometimes daily, defeat the no that says the test is too hard or the skill too complex. This aversion I have to no in some areas of my life, blinds me to the goodness of no in other areas. I just don't handle no well. No sometimes seems to me like giving up, accepting defeat somehow. 

 

REALITY CHECK: We can't change the  no of other people; accepting the no of others frees us to accepting the good yes of other and better things.

 

When we struggle with a decision that involves and impacts someone else, it's not fair to tarry and volley with choosing. I wonder how often the questions we struggle with in life are us choosing to see gray when there is really only black and white...

 

I am dealing with indecision and apathy. When someone says they are leaving a decision up to you and paints you a picture that is too many conflicting things all at the same time, it's very hard to know what to do, what to feel, how to go on. Figuratively, it's a precipice of torture. 

 

I feel like my whole life is on hold because other people won't let their no be no and yes be yes. And I am also really mad at myself. I feel like a more confident, secure person wouldn't wait for someone else to make up their mind. (All of which could just me be, being too hard on myself, which happens.) Maybe this too is part of growing up, seeing that life isn't simple, easy, uncomplicated. Relationships, being involved with other people, makes life messy. Maybe I just need to learn to deal with the mess...

 

We need to make a decision here. Are we invested? Do we want the same things? I need to know: are you in or out? Before I was afraid to ask the question because if the answer was no, I felt it would be too crushing, but now I just need to know one way or the other. And you're right it's not a simple easy thing, there is pressure involved. I'm sorry about that but I can't change it, not without compromising the whole meaning and significance behind it all. Some compromises aren't all right. I would point out gently the pressures behind the idea of "us" isn't all one sided. I come with my set of dilemmas absolutely but so do you. There are high stakes and a lot of unknowns for both of us. It's a risk. I get that. A lot to figure out. A lot to get to know better. A lot to have to deal with. It's a lot all the way around. But no relationship is totally simple, completely easy, pleasingly perfect, and always non challenging. So again I say, are you in or out? And if you're not sure, be courageous and say no. This no to us doesn't have to be forever. Maybe we have individual issues we need to workout alone before we can be together. Or maybe no will mean no for always. (A depressing thought I'm not going to lie.)

 

I just need to know if it's no... ya know? xo