My Gammy and me have a tradition; each Sunday we DVR CBS Sunday Morning and watch it sometime later in the week. The stories are interesting, artsy and sometimes funny. It is one of my favorite shows. We watched last Sunday’s episode last night and there is a story from it that hasn’t gone out of my mind since. The link to the story is at the bottom of this post. The story was about Barry Petersen, a reporter from CBS and his journey with his wife of 25 years, Jan, who has early-onset Alzheimer’s disease. It was truly a heart wrenching story; the real pain so overt that a bystander could be affected by it.
Through this article I am not attempting to argue with his own interpretation of his experience; I can’t begin to understand the great depths of pain, loss and anger he goes through daily. There is however a few things he said in the story that trouble me. He says, “Jan loved me without measure. She was all I wanted in this life. It was a love affair that had a beginning but was never supposed to end. That is what this horror of a disease stole and destroyed.” He says that because of Alzheimer’s their love affair has been “stolen and destroyed”; I humbly beg to disagree. It is obvious that though Jan doesn’t remember who Barry is even as he sits next to her, Barry remembers Jan. That is what commitment is, that is what covenant is, that is the binding of marriage; like in C.S Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia it's the oldest magic existing before time and outside it, created not by man but by the Creator of man. I hold that as long as Barry remembers Jan their love is not over, it is not stolen and it is not destroyed. And even if Barry himself in time succumbs to forgetting, there is One who’s memory is outside of time. Faithfulness of one party transcends the faithlessness of the other; unlike the story of Hosea from the Bible where the unfaithfulness of one party is by headstrong choice, in the case of Jan her own body is being unfaithful to her with an illness she can’t help.
There is no mention of faith or God in the reporting of this story as is primarily the case with most stories on TV, in the paper, or online. The absence of God or faith mentioned cannot lead us to assume they don’t exist for Barry Petersen but the absence of their mention can lead us to fear they aren’t present and to pray that if that be the case for God to remedy it quickly and mightily. This may be perhaps wishful thinking on my part for faith not mentioned can’t really be faith can it? If one doesn’t testify/speak to their faith can it be existing, alive and real?
I can’t imagine going through life without faith in God. It would exponentially increase pain to know that grievances suffered and losses experienced were without any greater purpose. As Job who lost everything in one day - his children, his livelihood, his health - in my moments of deepest despair I can only do in my soul what he is described as doing in Job 1:20-21, “Job tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, "Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD." He praised God through his tears, through his loss, through his pain. Job teaches and shows us like so many fellow saints of faith that in our deepest griefs and most painful losses we should turn to God not away. This is also true in our greatest joys, pleasures and triumphs; we should not look to these as being due to us or replacing God for us but as things given to us from God who is good, gracious beyond understanding and patient beyond measure. All good gifts come from God who is good and if we for a time see them not, we blame him not. When faced with loss or lack, we rejoice over having been blessed to have had such goodness in our lives at all and we have faith we will see that said goodness again.
Barry Petersen I humbly say love is never wasted, love can never be destroyed. Disease and death may stop its visible breath but love remains long after we do.
“For great is his steadfast love toward us, and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever. Praise the LORD!” Psalm 117:2
Link to CBS News, Jan’s story:
