like a lily among thorns

Today is February 14, 2019. A day that is set apart to celebrate romantic love... and to sell flowers, candy, cards, and crap. Very little is untainted by the hand of consumerism but I digress.

A day especially set apart for lovers is for a single woman really no different than any other day. Society has gotten perhaps slightly better about entertaining the notion that singleness isn't equivalent to leprosy, but only slightly. When the only romantic love in your life is what you have with a pint of Haagen-Dazs after a 12 hour shift, February 14 doesn't really feel like it's living up to its hype.

I was listening to NPR on the way home yesterday and they were discussing a big thing now isn't Valentine's Day but Galentine's Day which is on February 13. It's become such a widely celebrated thing that Hallmark has a Galentine's cards section and some restaurants offer Galentine's "couple" dinner specials. I get why, it's so women can stop feeling bad about the Valentines Day "holiday" by celebrating fellow female friends. Galentine's is a celebration of friendship among woman and who doesn't like that idea (said a woman). Valentine's Day for someone without a valentine can shine a spotlight on an area that some woman already wrestle with - singleness.

I don't believe that singleness and not being in a romantic relationship for a woman equals being unworthy/flawed/unacceptable/or unattractive. Not at all. Though we have come a long way as a society in accepting that not being attached/engaged/or married doesn't make one less valuable or whole, sometimes singleness is still treated like being the bottom member of some horrible ancient caste system - bring on the tattered clothes, poor hygiene, and mutant features, a single woman in her 30s or dare I say it 40s approaches (cue Twilight Zone music). This is especially more true I feel in certain Christian communities.

Seriously, to get up on a tiny soapbox for a second, how many people do you know that are in a relationship seem like they are satisfied with their relationship? I can think of two maybe three of my friends that are truly in a functional healthy happy relationship but way more that for varying reasons aren't. I am not saying that when one is in a relationship that should be their only source of satisfaction - God forbid. Eww and codependent much. But what is the point of being in a relationship - whether it's dating/engaged/married - if you aren't with each other on a day to day, good and bad, shallow and deep, authentic tear-joy-filled "my eyes are open and I adore this person" level. Being in a relationship doesn't mean, pardon my French, but jack shit. Being in a relationship where both parties are filled with deep passionate humble love, patience, and affection for each other - now that is something to admire and aspire. Our lives and our love is not about hearts and flowers one day a year; its about trust, peace, and presence all 365 day a year. Life in love is life with sharing and intimacy and laundry and disagreements and discussions and laughter and games and plans and messes...

I was looking at the Song of Solomon this morning, a lot of beautiful racy sentiments if you care to gander. But this is where I paused especially with the harsh long winter we are having:

My beloved spoke, and said to me:
“Rise up, my love, my fair one,
And come away.
For lo, the winter is past,
The rain is over and gone.

The flowers appear on the earth;
The time of singing has come...

There are many beautiful quirky sentiments shared in the Song of Solomon. He says of her, "Like a lily among thorns, So is my love among all other women" She says of him "My beloved is mine, and I am his."

On a day consumed with consumer symbols of "romantic love" don't forget what great love really looks like and means. Rejoice over it whether you have it or not because it's beautiful. xo