My Great Capacity

What is your greatest gift? What would you say you’re best at? Is it an action, an emotion, a process? What do you do well?

Think of it a different way - what do you most look for in another? Is it ever only just one thing? Usually what we love about someone else is a combination, a collection of attributes. We don’t usually know what these characteristics are until we discover them so nicely put together for us outside of us. No one wants to be defined by a singular adjective. We all are more dimensional than the characters on Friends. Joey is dimwitted, Monica is obsessive, Phoebe is weird, but those of not contained in a TV show aren't that simple and we shouldn’t be. When you really love someone does wealth, family, or even appearance ever matter in the end? Like a work of art, when you love another person, you just know it. What we know from our gut can't be denied.

My great capacity might be for lack. I have a great capacity to lack things. Understanding, nuclear family, size 2 hips - all this I lack and more. There are other people I swear that seem to be a different species. Don’t tell me they don’t exist, I see them. They get to love Jesus and get everything they want or at least make it appear so. You’ve either seen these type of people or you are them. I don’t know which type is more to be pitied. As great as it would be to have it all, I’m not sure I could ever trust it, but trust for me is a recurring issue. If this stream of thoughts is rambling sorry just have to get out what's inside, like withdrawing a poison from a wound.

Whatever you are good at, gifted with, groomed for, there is no denying it. It makes you who you are. Maybe the Incarnation of God in Jesus is a lesson in acceptance. Jesus couldn’t be John, Herod or Pilot. I can’t be Kate Middleton, Gisele or Oprah. He couldn’t be a husband, a dad, or a reflecting old man. I can’t be a sibling, a mom, or daddy’s little girl. All my life I’ve been told that whatever I am either isn’t good enough or if it’s a quality found redeeming, that I had better show it constantly and never be found with it waning. One good quality made to be my only good quality. It’s a lot of unnecessary pressure on a psyche already suffering with some degree of genetic mental instability. Genetics don’t lie. It didn’t start with my mother or grandfather alone. Nope. This goes all the way back to the beginning of mankind when two people were severely stupid. So I say with deep respect... screw others expectations and live from your soul, your center - live out of the essence of Gods love, acceptance, and Light.

Jesus’ limitations comfort me. Maybe he inside wanted a different path than the one he was walking but he still walked on anyway. The knowledge of that means a lot to a girl who’s stepped in small circles all her life. If Jesus walked his path of worst and best case scenario at the same time, maybe we all do that. The path that is so hard, bumpy, and imperfect is also glorious, destined, and made available to us because of the completed work of Christ. Don't miss out on all the many twists and turns of the life he gives us, they are part of what make the journey. His greatest capacity is love and now it lives inside you.