It's been so long since I've written anything from the heart. I don't know if it's because my heart doesn't know what to say, like it's in some sort of shock, or if it's because my heart has nothing to say, perhaps taken one to many blows and no longer beats - neither of those is in any way a comfort.
Life is so strange. Things happen. There is gain and there is loss. It's the way of things. Steady, and true, and terrible. Somehow loss is easier to see. We are lost to some we hoped to never lose. As the years end approaches and the time to reconcile ledgers descends upon us we take stock.
It's been a year of lessons. School lessons. Zumba lessons. Love lessons. Another year of coming to seeing some of who we are, learning what we want, and the piercing line of how far we can and can't go.
Who would be if we were allowed? If fear didn't stop us and the past anchored us without weighing us down, who could we be? Would we be different and would that difference be better? Is there any room in this world we live in for contemplation, reflection? We touch screens not one another, missing the soft warmth of human contact for the inanimate glow of a smartphone.
I've been thinking about the line from Into the Wild, "Happiness is only real when it's shared." We don't get a say in everything that happens to us in year, a week, hell in an hour, but we do get to decide what that experience does to us. My prayer at the close and open is may we know ourselves and let a few others really know us too. ox
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