accept/except

Have you ever accepted something with your head but your heart wouldn't listen? Or have you ever known something to be true in your gut before there was "evidence" to prove it was true? How do you finally stop excepting and accept?

Some things are hard to accept. I don't know why I have such a difficult time accepting certain things but I have to remind myself over and over to not go there. I don't know if it's a lack of closure. I don't know if it's because of severe trauma, like PTSD. I don't know. 

I read something that was profound to me, "Hearts weren’t built to be borrowed."

Maybe that's part of the issue for me. I feel a sense of something unsettled, something very wrong, and something that makes me very very sad... 

"When one prize is stripped away, we can graciously be reminded of how little we have apart from Christ and the fortune he’s purchased for us with his blood. He has become for us wisdom for the foolish, righteousness for sinners, sanctification for the broken, and redemption for the lost and afraid (1 Corinthians 1:30) — and affection and security and identity for the lonely man or woman reeling after the end of a relationship. So even in the aftermath of a breakup we have reason to boast, as long as our boast is in everything Christ is for us (1 Corinthians 1:31)."

I try to talk to my soul. To preach to myself. To say why are you downcast oh my soul hope in the Lord (Psalm 42:11). I look up solid council but it's hard to believe it.

I guess all any of us can do is turn to God under the cover Jesus' love and say, "I believe! But help my unbelief! You know every hurt, every trauma I've endured, every intentional cruel word uttered to me not to mention those I don't know, every pain I've internalized for better or worse. Help me. Heal me. Show me Your love and that it's for me. Amen."