Jesus knows heartbreak. To those who were grieving a love lost, He was never flippant towards them, He never demeaned their suffering as a waste. Even though He knew it was going to be ok, the dead will rise, and even though He had "come to destroy the works of the devil" forever, He still grieved, wept, was overwhelmed in His soul with "sorrow to the point of death."
I take comfort in that this new years night.
There was a boy/man I loved once. He was broken and damaged, but I was/am far from whole myself. I adored him. Flaws and all. I have come to think of this ill-fated unrequited love as my Isaiah, my Moses in the basket, my sacrifice. The thing I loved that I couldn't keep because it wasn't mine, it had always been God's. I had to give it back to God, my love.
I forgot things about myself along the way. Wisdom was my gift as a girl. I never wanted to be just another name in someone's little black book, a dopamine bandaid. I never wanted to be with someone just for the sake of being with someone. "I'd rather have nothing than settle for less" are words that are chissled deep inside my heart. I had seen too much to be naive, so I once thought. I had witnessed the toll lies, lust, and selfishness could have on a relationship. I didn't want that for myself. I wanted to "love with a love that was more than love", I wanted to dwell in a mutual treasuring of all things small and large with someone else. From being fascinated by his fingerprint - its singularity and depth - to being the one there bedside when all seems to be ending. As a nurse I got to see real love; oh it would be a joy and honor to share that with someone someday.
Jesus knows heartbreak in all its forms and makes a vow, "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26 And this living heart is too much to handle, it must be entrusted back to and dwelt in by the Maker. Help us receive Your unfailing love. Amen. xo
No comments:
Post a Comment