Sometimes I will get 5 ideas for a post within a couple days. Other times, I can go months without anything inspiring me to write even a post-it note not to mention a paragraph. The title of this post is "not a consolation prize" based on an idea I had several months ago. It's been in draft form long enough.
I think that for all of us, there exists two potential authors of our life story.
Author one is ourselves. In this story we call the shots. Everything is perceived through how it helps us achieve our own self oriented goals. We are at the center. We are the most important character and those who help us achieve our desires are given a secondary character role.
Author two is God. When God writes our story he dictates each moment. Everything is perceived in how it glorifies Him. The goal is God and at the center is Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who was crucified on a cross, resurrected on the third day, ascended back to heaven, and now intercedes for us at the right hand of God.
There is a self authored portion of my story that has many chapters of me treating Jesus like a consolation prize. You see, and maybe you can even relate, I couldn't get what I really wanted with God so I consoled myself with thoughts of God. I wanted a dad in my life, a big functional family, a normal upbringing, freedom to live away from home, a healthy relationship, etc. If it's true "where your treasure is there your heart will be also" then my treasure was not Jesus only. Jesus was the consolation prize for not getting what I really wanted.
My internal dialogue went something like this, "No fiery hell for eternity - that's nice, that's really nice. That's amazing. But what about my list of my wants for this life, for the now? These aren't even bad wants; why won't He give them to me? If nothing is impossible for Him and He dictates each drop or rain and calls forth every star that's made - why are thing the way they are? Why was so much of my story sad? Maybe there is a shortcut to getting a better life. Other people seem to make it and they don't follow any of the things in the Bible. Over and over, I hear the pastor saying "following Him is the best way to live," but obviously they say that, they have everything already, family, friends, home, marriage, wealth, prestige, good easy jobs. Wallow in the muck here with me and say that."
So I walked away. God's authorship just wasn't appealing anymore. A consolation prize is nice but it's not essential.
But Jesus isn't a consolation prize and he isn't content to merely be that for anyone.
Honestly I was the author of my story most of the time. Gammy had taken me to church since I was a kid. I had heard the bible preached and I was baptized like Christians are supposed to be. I tried to go to church and get connected with other Christians. I wasn't looking for one night stands or hanging out in bars stumbling my way home every night. I wasn't escaping my life with drugs and sex. I went to a job I hated everyday like I was supposed to. I tried to "do the right things" but I was doing them for the wrong reasons. It was as if by doing the right things I felt I was owed a certain kind of result. I wasn't doing the hard work of finding out if the things I was doing were right because God said so or because I was told so by someone else thats what I should be doing. I was kept afraid and shelters, caged like a bird. Morals, convictions, and duties aren't essential if they're imposed and not owned.
Question: When does one realize that Jesus is all they need?
Answer: When Jesus is all they have.
The road to rock bottom is different for everyone. The prodigals story is all our stories. Thank God he doesn't always give us what we want but he gives us what we need. Now I understand what Paul was saying in Philippians.
"But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead." Philippians 3:7-11
"For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified." 1 Corinthians 2:2
"We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin." Romans 6:6
Is Jesus The Prize to you or merely a consolation? xo
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