timid to bold

afraid to be assertive - it's a conundrum for sure

there are two problems (1) not having any idea what you want out of a situation or (2) knowing what you want but settling for something else, usually something far less than what you really want

[i am ignoring punctuation and caps today - deal with it :)]

there is all this pressure in our relationships to define them, to label them, to classify them - i don't know if that pressure is good and keeps us honest or bad and keeps us hostile

recognizing what is right, true, pure, good - is important don't get me wrong - but recognizing that is worthless without follow through. in other words it's easy to perceive a situation but it's much harder to change or accept it.

it's one thing to know that something is right or wrong in your heart; it's another thing entirely to do something about it

here's the thing... sometimes a person keeps their distance because they're trying to prevent themselves from hurting another person... i get that... there is a certain nobility in that... but that preventative distance in certain circumstances can cause a type of hurt in and of itself... and if i'm already hurting from what might be the right thing, it's very tempting to say bring on the hurt of the wrong... does that make any sense?

we get ourselves into situations often without thinking at all about the long term consequences or we tell ourselves despite our qualms or misgivings we can handle it...

i use these words with fearful caution... i wish i could type a whisper... perhaps it would be better... perhaps it would be better for both of us... if we had never met

there is no point in would have been. what happened, happened. it is what it is, it was what it was. nothing more. nothing less.

at the end of it all i know i'm nothing but an addict... my addiction isn't a substance illegal or otherwise... it's a life of memories, sharing, laughter, and tears that was never solid, never graspable, never really real... there are times in our lives where we grieve for the life we expected to have and don't.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Amen.