the sun shine's out of your...

I watched too many Star Trek reruns during my two weeks off from school. Seriously.

Illogical. It's absolutely illogical and yet it feels like it's the only thing in this shitty world that makes any sense at all.

When we, to quote a Wonder Years phrase "like like" someone, what makes that happen? Is it all chemical? Neurological? How much of it is based on underlying factors hidden in our subconscious? Are we just animals? Is it all just physical? Where it starts isn't where it ends; doesn't lasting attraction need to go beyond appearance alone?

You're smarter than me or maybe you're just more honest, I don't know. You're probably absolutely right about everything - nothing in common, too different, bad timing, awkward situations - I concede, I surrender, you're right.

BUT... I still think the sun shines out of your ass (I wish I had the wit to pick another organ). The sun shines out of your ass, not despite any evidence to the contrary but because there isn't any evidence to the contrary. There isn't and there never will be. You're wonderful. Period. Couldn't change it if you tried. "Stubborn much?" you ask. Uhhh, yeah. Duh. But I'm also right. (It's my only child privilege and gift.)

I see the truth. You are the unordinary walking amid all that is average. It amazes me that people are around you all day and they don't see it. It boggles me. How can they not realize that they are meeting the most interesting person around. Seriously. I despise false sentiment so believe what I say.

One day someone will come along and they'll see what an exceptional person you are and the rub is that you'll feel that way about them. I'm jealous of this inevitability because I saw how amazing you are first. (Probably not first, such cuteness can't have gone completely unnoticed these years but allow me my delusion of seeing it first please.) You're quirky but not annoyingly so. Maddeningly stubborn I say rolling my eyes. You have deep convictions I don't always understand. A whimsy that volleys between romantic and endearingly goofy. You have just enough humility to prevent your being morose. In your heart I think you're more of a traditionalist than even I am though you wouldn't likely admit it. I know you are much kinder than I am, than many of us are...

No one had to point any of this out to me. I marvel at how all this and more came to be possible in one person.

I have overwhelmed my schedule with commitments, appointments, classes - anything to prevent myself the chance to dwell upon these things. It isn't right for me to ask for the moon when I've been granted several stars. I pray that knowing such a man exists at all becomes enough for me, that I not waste away pining for what can't be mine. xo