speak YOUR truth or THE truth? Part 2

Is confrontation easy for anyone?

It's not easy most of the time to tell people how you really feel, I think a lot of people feel that way. There is risk to vulnerability. There is risk to telling some people things they won't like or won't agree with. We know there is risk usually because of the way they have behaved and reacted in that past to honesty, criticism, or dissent. Maybe they have responded with a cold shoulder or silence, or with dramatic blaming of everything else for everything that's happened, or blowing up in anger and hostility. Whatever the reaction is, it clearly expressed how unsafe it is to be authentic with this person.

Safety is everything when it comes to honesty. Rational people don't share feelings/emotions/thoughts with someone else when it's not safe to do so. I'm sure we have all found ourselves in unsafe places at some point in our lives. Sadly, I am sure we have all been unsafe places for others at one time or another.

When you don't feel safe, you don't open up, you clam up. You aren't free to be honest about what you think, what you feel, or who you are which renders one to have feelings of insignificance and despair. The universe becomes more isolating in its vastness when one doesn't have any safe place. Sometimes one safe place - just one - makes all the difference to the soul.

Here is what I have learned. Not everyone is safe to share with. When it comes to expressing who you are and what you believe and all the contradictions inbetween, there is only a select few for whom that can be shared with. Nothing you do can make it safe when it isn't. I think all one can to is offer honesty but the rejection or acceptance of that honesty must be observed and accepted. Recognized not with hostility or bitterness but with wisdom and dependence on God's grace.

The expression of one's personal self to another who is safe is important and necessary. But what about expressing God's biblical truth to others? What about confronting other's about that? In the post-modern world where truth has never been treated more as relative, how do Christian live as Christians?

I hear a lot "I feel that God wouldn't be upset about..." or "It doesn't feel wrong to my conscience therefore it isn't wrong for me..." or "That's an old-fashioned (aka misogynistic, patriarchal, judgmental, hypocritical, unscientific, closed-minded, etc.) way of thinking."

We all have the same problem. Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it?" Isaiah 53:6 "All of we like sheep have gone astray; We have turned, every one, to his own way." All people have that problem. All believers had that problem. But when one accepts Christ as their savior, redeemer, and living water and bread of life - they stop thinking about things apart from God's word. "Me" is removed from the equation because trust and faith in God is the only thing that matters.

John the Baptist
In Matthew 11:11 Jesus says that about John the Baptist... "Truly, I say to you, among those born of women there has arisen no one greater than John the Baptist. Yet the one who is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he."

For it was Herod who had sent and seized John and bound him in prison for the sake of Herodias, his brother Philip's wife, because he had married her. ¹⁸ For John had been saying to Herod, “It is not lawful for you to have your brother's wife.” ¹⁹ And Herodias had a grudge against him and wanted to put him to death. But she could not, ²⁰ for Herod feared John, knowing that he was a righteous and holy man, and he kept him safe. When he heard him, he was greatly perplexed, and yet he heard him gladly. (Mark 6:17-20) ²¹ But an opportunity came when Herod on his birthday gave a banquet for his nobles and military commanders and the leading men of Galilee. ²² For when Herodias's daughter came in and danced, she pleased Herod and his guests. And the king said to the girl, “Ask me for whatever you wish, and I will give it to you.” ²³ And he vowed to her, “Whatever you ask me, I will give you, up to half of my kingdom.” ²⁴ And she went out and said to her mother, “For what should I ask?” And she said, “The head of John the Baptist.” ²⁵ And she came in immediately with haste to the king and asked, saying, “I want you to give me at once the head of John the Baptist on a platter.” ²⁶ And the king was exceedingly sorry, but because of his oaths and his guests he did not want to break his word to her. ²⁷ And immediately the king sent an executioner with orders to bring John's^[e] head. He went and beheaded him in the prison ²⁸ and brought his head on a platter and gave it to the girl, and the girl gave it to her mother. (Mark 6:21-27)
What can one say about this? John spoke with truth boldly. But that did not allow his life to be spared or easier or better. Jesus didn't save him though he thought very greatly of him. Would it have been better for John to stay silent about this? Was John hasty in confronting others with the truth?

"I don't want to upset anyone." "I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings." "I don't want to ruin their "happiness" by telling them what their doing isn't right in the eyes of God." "I am not perfect myself regarding sin; how can I tell another person something they are doing is wrong?"

Tell me: If we can agree it's important to share your truth with others in name of honesty and authenticity; isn't just as crucial to your identity as a Christain to in love and humility speak God's truth to those who are in peril not obeying it and falling into unbelief? What is truly a kind act to a dying main, not hurting their feelings, or trying to save their life? What would you really prefer?

speak YOUR truth or THE truth? Part 1

A big thing I have heard lately is "speak your truth" and on the surface it seems like a good thing. "Speak you truth" - know and own your feelings, your wants, your needs, your desires and own that expressing those things is your responsibility. Speak your truth because you and you alone are ultimately responsible for your overall wellbeing and balance - if that is what someone means by "speak your truth" great.

But it's not ok to "speak your truth" with impunity. "Speak your truth" is not a license to say and do whatever you want to someone else under the false banner of fake authenticity or even worse true authenticity that is selfish and sinful. The motives behind your truth need to be assessed before you speak it. This is hard because we live in a reactionary society where everything is instantaneous, delay gratification is not practiced, and dissent is not seen as an opportunity to learn but cause for immediate attack and annihilation. We are often most blind to our own weaknesses and deficiencies. "Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:4-6).

"If someone's feathers are ruffled by something I said or did - it's their fault. They are too sensitive, too fragile." People who feel this way are difficult to deal with. Often they don't practice what they preach. Those who are prone to explosions and outbursts of dramatic over-the-top bullying and rude behavior, are the first ones to get bent out of shape when someone mirrors that behavior back to them in any sense. They are not calm 24/7. Their frantic, manic, and bipolar behavior fluctuates between overbearing and insufferable to friendly exuberance with compliments. They may wear their insecurities on their sleeve but other's are not allowed to. It creates a very unsafe and unpredictable environment for the people around them.

I am really struggling with anxiety today. I feel like I am in the midst of a turbulent sea of other peoples - sorry but bullshit - and I don't like it.

I had to talk walk away for a second in the middle of this post. How perfect that when I returned this was what was playng on my headset... Ocean's by Hillsong United:

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Saviour

I will call upon Your Name

Keep my eyes above the waves

My soul will rest in Your embrace

I am Yours and You are mine



John the Baptist has really been on my hear these last weeks. John the Baptist spoke not just his truth but THE TRUTH and doing so came at a cost - the highest cost anyone can pay. Stay tuned for Part 2 of this series where we dive deeper into what knowing and speaking the truth looks like biblically! xo

I consent

Consent - verb 1. give permission for something to happen.

The concept of consent has been on my mind recently. I think it's a good thing that society is talking about consent when it comes to sex. Yes is yes. No is no. Stop means stop. But I think it needs to go even further than what one will consent to physically because it's also what one agrees to consent to emotionally, mentally, etc.

I know it's not "cool girl" to say that sex is emotional just as much as it is physical. Some may even scoff at the thought that that sex and feelings have to related. But the truth is we are beings with emotions and we all have a deep longing for connection. It's evolutionary that we are designed for relationship. Love, acceptance, safety - these are basic human needs. Lust, infatuation, desire - these are basic human passions.

When you find yourself in a situation where you are asking for or offering consent - take it to the next level. You are not just dealing with someone's physical and sexual expectations/limits/comfort but with their emotional expectations/limitations/comfort as well. Consent is defined as giving permission for something to happen. Giving permission. When you say I consent in the dark make sure you know what that means and also what it doesn't mean in the light of day. xo