random thoughts on hospitality

This isn't a virtual rule just a random thought. I wish the American culture had more cultural customs, specifically those regarding hospitality and community. I am a fan of the show Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations and one reason I enjoy watching is it gives a glimpse of what life is like in other cultures. I think we here lack a lot of really sincere basic customs that make a society stronger.

When I am invited into another's home I always try to bring something. It doesn't have to be big or fancy, usually it's small and simple, but I like bringing something. I don't know why I'm like that. I don't really come from a family of big entertainers. I really only remember one time my mom having people over when I was young and big holiday hooplas with distant family also were rare.

Maybe my bringing something to the places I go is my way of recognizing the efforts of the host even if they don't see it as effort. I really appreciate the gathering together of individuals; the many becoming one. I appreciate coming together in a specific space at a definite moment in time. It's significant, the time we spend together.

So whether its a $5 bottle of wine or loaf of marble rye (remember Seinfeld) I will continue to make gestures of a sincerely thankful heart. xo

willpower not needed

Have you ever texted someone when you knew deep inside that you shouldn't?

If I was a technology genius I would invent a way to put a lock on a cell phone contact so you can't text them. The lock would last at the very least 24-hours all the way to a month if necessary. This would be good because there would be no way out of it, once a contact is locked there is no going back; constant consistent willpower would not be needed.

I recently deleted a contact to keep from texting them. I wrote the number down on a notebook and hit delete. I have several reasons for this but lets chalk it up to a measure of self-awareness. For me it's better for a temptation to be eliminated all together than for me to try and trust myself not to cave.

I feel good about this so get on it Verizon. Create this feature and help save us from our most often worst enemy: ourselves.

psalm unnumbered - get back

psalm unnumbered

get back

How do I get back to who I was before?

How do I get back what I foolishly gave away? The contents no longer fit the case. It's like going on a trip and losing half your belongings. So empty, so wrongly light it's heavy. The weight of the missing.

I believed in good things once. It was hard even then to believe in good things. Rain had fallen steadily and rays of rare sun brought stark beams of light lacking warmth.

Never before did I truly comprehend my naivety. I thought I understood so much more than I really did. So quick was I to proclaim the actions of others as pure folly while I thus far had been exempt from such situations. I want to scream "Hypocrite!" at the girl encased in time on a sheet of shiny paper all pixels and sheen, but she is so happy, I don't have the heart. She wouldn't believe me anyway, such is the curse and joy of youth.

I am unsure of almost everything now.

What's important to me, so often seems unnoticed by others. I get hung-up on the trivial, the tiny. Or is that just the theater we all are stuck playing? Are we called by some offstage director to ignore what we really feel? Do we all ignore the elephant in the room? Are we forced to feign marvel at fleeting wisps of sideshow amusements? Are we sometimes the sideshow-the freak show-in this circus called life?

Did I love the dream more than the reality? Was I not seeing clearly?

I remember asking out loud right there in the moment if it was real? God, if you have to ask, there's your answer or at least a giant clue.

How do I get back joyous hope when its flame was so small to begin with (is that more of a question or a statement?)

I want hearts and flowers and sprinkles. I want the white snow of winter not to be cold. I want to warm and be warmed. Despite all-or even perhaps because of it-I want my life to truly, purely, beautifully matter. It doesn't have to be to the masses, just one will do. I can't force it. I can't make it. But as I live my one and only life, I hope when I take time to notice, all my hopes have happen.

What is it you look for?

It’s an important question. Our generation thinks wondrous things just appear and are ours by right. We have no appreciation that every breath moves us away from one thing and towards another. How we spend our time is not incidental. We look for many things - the shortcut, the timesaver, the fastest lane, that one person at the party, the wittiest thing to say, the most random observation, the lastest must-have app. We look for something to ease the pain, to end the loneliness, to kill the time.

We all are looking for something. What is it you look for?

an all new alive

Again I discover another part of life and it undoes all I thought I once knew. Again I face the truth how little I know of life and believe I will say that even if I live to be old. We are shown constantly the wonderful possibilities life has to offer but we're often too often blind to see them. We go so fast through life with a legion of distractions that we can't see all the wonder that surrounds us and makes life worth living. Or maybe we are just not ready to appreciate things the moment we seem, maybe we need the perspective time passing can give us.

If we would but stop and look, we would be astounded at the love all around us. All kinds of love. There is the love of parent for child which you can see as they bundle them up before facing the bitter cold and as they take their smaller hand in theirs to cross the street. There is the love of burning passion you can see in among two young lovers kissing in the stationary section of Barnes&Noble or holding hands at Starbucks. There is the love of time between a man holding his wife's hand in the oncology ward as the IV solution drips on. There is the love of friendship among those who seek to understand and listen without judgement. There is much love. It is everywhere. It's all around us in the darkest of spaces in the most unlikely of places - it is there. And we get to contribute to it. We get to add love to this world in a myriad of different way. The possibilities of the New Year, the new day - they are endless. ox

exposure: contrast blares truth

In a memory box buried in the back of the closet I have negatives that show frozen stills of a past in motion. All that is left as physical evidence of life's many yesterdays are images, pieces of paper with pictures on them. But beyond these photos there is evidence that dwells in the mind and heart of  all of us where the past lives forever. Do we remember things in color? Don't the moments that mean the most stay vibrant forever? The first time you saw the one you loved or the first time your heart was broken to pieces and you wondered how you'd survive it; we remember the moments that change us and appreciate them rarely while they happen.

I sometimes wonder about the validity of a photo; they often can lie, showing a moment perhaps better than it really was. How many smile because the camera is present not because they are happy in their most deep depths? Yet photos can often tell the truth quicker and sometimes easier than any words ever could revealing us bare and stripping all away our pretense. 

There is a moment on the show Mad Men where Don Draper is presenting an ad campaign to Kodak for their Carousel slide projector. It is one of the most moving moments I remember from Mad Men and what made me a fan of the show. Here is the happenings of his sales-pitch:

Slideshow begins.

Don: “Teddy told me that in Greek, nostalgia literally means “the pain of an old wound.” It’s a twinge in your heart, far more powerful than memory alone.”

Don shows slides of his wife, his children, picnics, celebrations, wedding and family moments.

Don: “This device isn’t a spaceship. It’s a time machine. It goes backwards. Forwards. It takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It’s not called The Wheel. It’s called The Carousel. It lets us travel the way a child travels, around and around, and back home again, to a place where we know we are loved.”

More poignantly put than I ever could manage. Photographs are like a portal for the mind and heart allowing us to travel back and recapture a feeling. Negatives are becoming a thing of the past in this digital age but the lack of exposures doesn't change our ability to be exposed. We cannot hide or run from the truth forever. It will find us. The contrast of black and white negatives against the distraction color can provide speaks of the permanence of choice. The life that is busy is not necessarily full and the life that seems small might be the most valuable and do the most good.

In the beginning I said I have photos stored in a memory box in the closet, but each of us has memory boxes in our minds. We at times go to these boxes and intentionally take a memory into our thought to remember a moment a feeling whether easy or hard. Then there are those times when the box of memories doesn't wait for our intentions but bursts forth and memories flood our senses. Who we loved and who loved us stops being past tense and again we are there. All the other dissolves away.

To have a great life, have great love. Give as much you demand and demand much because in life second chances aren't guaranteed. Some things once you do them, cannot be undone. Do wisely - think with caution how you use your one and only life and add something of value to the lives of others. Love is always a worthy addition. Make something beautiful to outlive you. This is my prayer. This is my wish. This is my hope.

Attention: takers abusers users

This has been swirling around for awhile in my mind. Conversations and observations building up. Why do men seem to have no conscience? I mean how can they unashamedly admit to using women only for sexual gratification? Have they no soul? Are they jaded monsters? Why is misogyny so fucking popular? Let me clue you in on something if you happen to be douche bag prick who wandered upon this blog by fated luck- whatever woman it was that hurt you or disenchanted you from being a decent human being - not all women are like that woman. Just because one of us was a dumbass doesn't make all of us like that. There is no excuse to treat with disrespect any other being, even when they themselves are willing to be wounded victims. Those that are vulnerable most need looking after not predators circling overhead. These women you take to bed and forget after coming and going they are more than their intangibles even if they don't know it. You know better, I know you do.

I mean nothing sexist by this post. I know that women can be capable just as much as men of duplicity and selfishness. I am not targeting any specific person. This is just a general post I'm putting out there because I think it needs to be considered. Think about self-control and self-respect. Please don't trade a moments pleasure for a lifetimes regret. There is something at stake when two people have sex. We all have value and its not found solely in our ability to get one another off. Seriously, treat others how you wanted to be treated in the bedroom and out of it. Grow up.