virtual rule #5

Virtual Rule #5: Respectful Exasperation 

"Be careful not to let amiable discussion turn into contradiction and argument. The tactful person keeps his prejudices to himself and even when involved in a discussion says quietly, "No. I don t think I agree with you" or "It seems to me thus and so." One who is well bred never says, "You are wrong!" or "Nothing of the kind!" If he finds another's opinion utterly opposed to his own, he switches to another subject for a pleasanter channel of conversation." - page 50, Etiquette In Society, In Business, In Politics and At Home, Emily Post 

What political pundits, talk show hosts and "reality" show celebrities get paid to do is not something we as individuals should seek to mimic or encourage through our viewership. They are paid for their performances much at the expense of morality, ethics and even decency. It is tragic that news has been regulated to entertainment and that information shared has nothing to do with truth but mere gossip. Journalism is not what it once was; I hope it is not all together dead. If they publicly on TV say things like "WTF?" when it comes to The President of the United States and gun jargon like "Don't retreat...Reload!" when discussing how to handle those with whom they disagree, I fear greatly what they must say in private. Outrages statements and vulgar rhetoric from anyone should not be encouraged or celebrated regardless of what side you are on. We must stand against hate and ignorance wherever it is found, not with a balled-up-fist but a sober thoughtful mind.

Since the senseless massacre in Arizona the following call has been proclaimed and already forgotten: "Let us return civility to our public discourse." It has led me to wonder when exactly this great gilded time of civility was in our human history. There have ,however, always been among us everyday heroes of eloquence and intelligence, passion and inspiration, standing out and leading the way. Noble ideals shouldn't by considered too lofty, “fancy” or something only for Ivy League elite. Stereotypes and generalizations help no one. Rural life should not be held upon such a pedestal as to make urban life a cesspool of immorality; nor should urban life be held above rural to the degree that anyone not from a metropolis is a bumpkin. 

In our face-to-face conversation and in our more anonymous virtual communication it is imperative that when frustrated and exasperated that we first take a deep breath and then communicate from a place of courageous calm not feuding fearfulness. When we find ourselves facing those whose views stand in opposition to our own, we will not shout or pout or become a brutish lout.