Heartbreaks - Jesus knows

Jesus knows heartbreak. To those who were grieving a love lost, He was never flippant towards them, He never demeaned their suffering as a waste. Even though He knew it was going to be ok, the dead will rise, and even though He had "come to destroy the works of the devil" forever, He still grieved, wept, was overwhelmed in His soul with "sorrow to the point of death."

I take comfort in that this new years night.

There was a boy/man I loved once. He was broken and damaged, but I was/am far from whole myself. I adored him. Flaws and all. I have come to think of this ill-fated unrequited love as my Isaiah, my Moses in the basket, my sacrifice. The thing I loved that I couldn't keep because it wasn't mine, it had always been God's. I had to give it back to God, my love.

I forgot things about myself along the way. Wisdom was my gift as a girl. I never wanted to be just another name in someone's little black book, a dopamine bandaid. I never wanted to be with someone just for the sake of being with someone. "I'd rather have nothing than settle for less" are words that are chissled deep inside my heart. I had seen too much to be naive, so I once thought. I had witnessed the toll lies, lust, and selfishness could have on a relationship. I didn't want that for myself. I wanted to "love with a love that was more than love", I wanted to dwell in a mutual treasuring of all things small and large with someone else. From being fascinated by his fingerprint - its singularity and depth - to being the one there bedside when all seems to be ending. As a nurse I got to see real love; oh it would be a joy and honor to share that with someone someday.

Jesus knows heartbreak in all its forms and makes a vow, "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26 And this living heart is too much to handle, it must be entrusted back to and dwelt in by the Maker. Help us receive Your unfailing love. Amen. xo

make YOUR desires our joy

God, make your desires our joy today... remind us that You alone give us the strength and power to follow your will.

So tempting to put something else at the center of one's life. Whether it is a relationship, a desire, or an addiction - sometimes the call of the idol is unbearably and painfully enticing.

It lies,
"This is happiness or a shortcut way to it."

It falsely compares,
"Others get away with it, why not you."

It sedates the spirit with seductive half truths,
"Who does it really hurt. What's wrong with it. The Bible is about forgiveness so what's one more mistake."

Satan is the parasite that wants to paralyze your spiritual life. He wants to stop your faith in it's tracks. He is the tempter and the deceiver. All too quick to help you justify reasons to act sinfully and after all too quick to point the finger of shame and disgrace once you have. He's not an adversary to be taken lightly but nor should he be feared as unconquerable for Jesus conquered him forever for us.

Colossians 2:8-15 "See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ. For in him the whole fullness of deity dwells bodily, and you have been filled in him, who is the head of all rule and authority. In him also you were circumcised with a circumcision made without hands, by putting off the body of the flesh, by the circumcision of Christ, having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through faith in the powerful working of God, who raised him from the dead. And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.  He disarmed the rulers and authorities^[b] and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him."

Revelation 12:11 "And they have conquered him (Satan) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death."

God, make Your desires our joy. Help our unbelief! Amen. xo

the claws I cut myself on

Do broken hearts ever mend? I have broken my own heart a few times, but not counting family - my heart has been broken only once by someone else.

Once was enough.

I remember an article I read a long time ago that said a “broken heart” could actually occur medically – broken heart syndrome. John’s Hopkins website explains, “Stress cardiomyopathy, also referred to as the “broken heart syndrome,” is a condition in which intense emotional or physical stress can cause rapid and severe heart muscle weakness (cardiomyopathy).” I would believe this for myself.

There was an interview Kid Rock gave a few years ago on CBS Sunday Morning and he was discussing a relationship that ended in divorce. He equated the toxic relationship to holding on to a hot stove with both hands for an hour – not merely touching it but being perilously enamored and burned by it. When you are burned by a hot stove you learn to stop touching it. To put it in my own words, a big lesson in life is learning that sometimes what you love doesn’t love you back. I wonder if this lesson is something everyone experiences or just some.

I have been in a nostalgic sort of melancholy mood at times these past days. Even though the past can’t be changed the scars it leaves sometimes twinge, burn, and sting. It’s an unpleasant reminder of a previous injury. The thing is I inflicted a majority of the scars I carry myself. He was the razor I cut myself on emotionally, his claws caused pain that was so raw, familiar somehow, and yet absolutely new. I was driven to a level of madness as I worked out the puzzle – Question: “Why doesn’t he seem to care about me?” Answer: “Because he doesn't care.” Question: “What’s really going on here?” Answer: “He wants to be with someone else. Remember that person he spoke of oddly that time and with whom there was that odd exchange that night – yeah he wants to nail her. A-ha. Well that explains it.” Not so complicated after all. How boring. What a cliché. All things I never wanted to be. Twenty-nine years old and still a virgin that's got to show some sort of commitment to nonconformity. Pity I was ashamed by that difference instead of proud. What stings me most is that I had hopes that I never should have had. I abhor false hope and those who give it. By lack of forethought or by direct intention. Such a waste. 

“I guess I have a weakness for lost causes once they’re really lost.” I don’t think I suffer from that affliction; Some causes are clearly lost and should be.
 

“You never give up, do you?”

 “Only when I’m absolutely forced to. But I’m a very good loser…”

“Better than I am.”

“Well, I’ve had… more practice.”

Someone told me that everyone has heartbreaks and therefore mine isn’t special. I am sure everyone does have heartbreaks, BUT not everyone processes heartbreak the same way. Heartbreaks are personal and individual, they have layers and tunnels. There are different kinds of heartbreak - those imposed upon us and those we cause ourselves. There are times in life where we have our eyes wide shut, seeking out repeatedly the broken cisterns that hold no water hoping for our thirst to be quenched (Jeremiah 2:13).

"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart, you begin to understand: there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend, some hurts that go too deep… that have taken hold."  

My mistakes haunt me. I am not without sin of the deepest scarlet crimson. I am the whitewashed tomb harboring all kinds of decay inside (Matthew 23:27). At least I know that is what I am without Jesus. Everything and anything good comes from Him. What is your motive? If Jesus isn't the center, it's vainity. 

“So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand.  For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?  Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.” Romans 7:21-26; 8:1-4

““Then the lion said — but I don’t know if it spoke — You will have to let me undress you. I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.

“The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off.  You know — if you’ve ever picked the scab of a sore place.  It hurts like billy-oh but it is such fun to see it coming away.”

“I know exactly what you mean,” said Edmund.

“Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off – just as I thought I’d done it myself the other three times, only they hadn’t hurt – and there it was lying on the grass, only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly-looking than the others had been. And there was I smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me – I didn’t like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I’d no skin on — and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I’d turned into a boy again…”

CS Lewis – The Voyage of the Dawntreader

The claws I cut myself on now are for my good and not my peril. To the glory of Jesus. Make it so for all of us. Amen. xo

ever-present

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1

We tend to take things for granted in life either because we have never had to be without them or we did not have to struggle to obtain them. Some things we can't remember ever having been without. The history of something having always been there can give the false impression that it will always be, but most things in life will fade away under the grueling hand of time.

I naively perhaps hope that some things in life are ever-present guarantees though I know many realities that don't match my hope. For example, a parents love should be ever-present for their child and spouses love and faithfulness should be ever-present for their significant other, but I know this is not the case for many.

Ever-present help. Ever-present refuge. Ever-present strength. If you don't have trouble now then you can be sure it is coming. How blessed we are that we have a God who is strong and present. Cry out to Him; He is an ever-present help in trouble. xo

among men is goodwill

“Glory to God in the highest heaven,

    and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.” - Luke 2:14 (ESV)

 

I like this time of year for its traditions. Watching classic Christmas movies, wearing cozy clothes, decorating with light and sparkles - its a pretty time of year. I like that there is a scheduled time each year where kind thoughts are encouraged and generous acts overflow. And the sentiments of "peace on earth, good will towards men" are especially revived this time of year I think because of its yuletide traditions. It's a chance to hit the reset button so to speak. Perhaps it shouldn't take Christmas on the calendar to make that reset happen, but let us not discourage contemplation and reflection whatever its reason.

I was reading a devotional entry from the Solid Joys app by John Piper and the introductory verse was Luke 2:14.  I was halted by the "peace on those on whom his favor rests." I had always thought it said, "and peace on earth goodwill towards men" but upon examination that's not what some bible translations state. The King James Version is what is used in the A Charlie Brown Christmas cartoon shown on TV each year and that's how I have remembered this part of scripture.

Charlie Brown in frustration yells out: "Isn't there anyone who can tell me what Christmas is all about?"

Linus: "Sure Charlie Brown, I can tell you what Christmas is all about. ^"And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men." That's what Christmas is all about Charlie Brown."

The New King James Version says basically the same but with a footnote. "And on earth peace, *toward men of goodwill."

 

A commentary I found written by Irish Bishop William Alexander states, "“Among men is good-will.” It is well known from Keble’s beautiful lines, and his note upon Pergolesi’s setting of the Vulgate version, that some manuscripts read, “among men of goodwill.” This interpretation, though it may please the fancy at first, will scarcely be accepted by the maturer judgment. It is not very concurrent with St. Luke's universal aim, and constant setting forth of the bold broad sympathy of the purpose of the Incarnation. God's love, at that moment, would not be viewed by the angels as restricted to the comparatively righteous. It was a work whose result was to be offered to all our fallen race through Him who is the son of Adam. Men of goodwill, according to the Scripture use of the word, might be too high an attribute even for the elect people of God. The third line appears to give the cause and foundation of the two which precede it. The "Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes" is He who not only brings, but is personally the Truth, the Peace, the Righteousness, the Salvation, the Redemption. Just as He is the personal Peace, so is He the personal incarnate Good-will. There is glory to God in the highest. And there is peace upon earth, for God's goodwill is amongst men. It is the equivalent of Emmanuel — God with us."

I really loved that! "Among men is good-will." Yes, quite literally. Luke is telling us that Jesus, the one and only Son of God, through whom all things were made, had just been born of a virgin, swaddled in rags, and was resting in a hay trough - Emmanuel - God with us. In Jesus Christ being born and among us, the goodwill of God is among us. What a gesture of He who made all things and to whom is glory forevermore to come and live among men as one. Gesture is by far too inadequate a word. The embodiment of love, peace, joy, and justice came and dwelled among us physically and ultimately through his life, death, resurrection, and ascension has sent the Holy Spirit to His followers so that He lives in those who believe. Talk about among us! Some may say "Why are you quibbling over this?" but it is important! "Among men is goodwill" glorifies God undoubtedly He is the giver and cause of goodwill, while "among men of goodwill" could be interpreted that the peace being given by God has somehow been earned by men with their acts.

You could rightfully say that true everlasting eternal peace is only on those whom believe in their hearts and confess with their mouths that Jesus is Lord. But I really don't think that is the main message Luke was trying to share with the reader at the time of his writing. Among men is goodwill for Jesus Christ is among us; feel that truth today and may it bless you and all around you. xo

eggs if He wills

This morning I got to work and thought maybe a ham and cheese omelet from the cafeteria would be nice. I rebundled up to walk from my office building to the main hospital, climbed the stairs, got in line only to be told that the pilot light was out and they couldn't make eggs for at least 15 minutes.

I laughed to myself as I was walking back to the office because I was so confident that my mission wouldn't fail and I was so very wrong.

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." Proverbs 19:21

"Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin." James 4:13-17

To sum up, if the Lord wills we will have an omelet. xo

don't run away

I think a natural tendency when one finds themselves in conflict is the basic fight or flight impulse. First, fight. We form lists of why we aren't wrong. We call friends and spout our outrage and present our supreme court worthy defense of why we are right and "they" (this other person) are wrong. We consider telling off the person who has so hurt us with their words and actions. Second, flight. Conflict is difficult and painful. A natural impulse is to run away from what hurts, avoid it's unpleasantness by shutting ourselves away. We banish the conflict source from our circle and peace is restored to our realm.

Conflict hurts hence one seeks to avoid it by disengaging from the source of it. Here is where I would caution you and me - Don't run away. I do think there are rare occasions where running away is necessary - prevention of physical harm or in situations of past emotional abuse. But isolating yourself from sources of hurt isn't a God honoring solution.  

"If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." Romans 12:18

"But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.  And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace." James 3:17-18

Just something to think about today. Be a peacemaker. Remember to put on your sandals of peace. I have enclosed a link to a helpful article I found.

How to Resolve Most Relational Conflict