my God my Father

We Midwesterners know how to tackle drastic cold and deep snow- we stay in and watch TV. When reports that snow is "a-comin" we send a member of the family to the grocery store to stock up on staples and we make sure that there is a DVD in the house to watch. That is snowstorm 101. Netflix has changed this ritual slightly for now there is always a DVD in the house for it has been sitting there unwatched for two months. I remember the olden days of going down to the video store and reading the back covers off a wall of choices. My fondest memory is going there with a group of friends while together we decided what we wanted to watch. I can't for the life of me remember what we picked but I remember the camaraderie and informal diplomacy involved in making a choice together. Strange to think that the era of DVD rental shops is over; one more thing that makes us different from new generations and gives us the dreaded beginning words of all old people, "When I was young..."

There was a channel on the dish last night showing all The Godfather movies commercial free and it was this that kept me up till 2:30 AM. They lost me a little bit on the second one - I mean that movie is really really long but I stuck it out. I don't know if it was insomnia or film nostalgia that kept me awake. There is something about the character of Michael Corleone that is terrible and relatable. He did unconscionable things. He became a man that was feared and dreaded by those he was closest to and ultimately he ended up all alone. The third film is about Michael's quest for atonement and redemption. I don't think he started out in life intending to be an infamous mob boss. He had begun wanting to be different from his father and wanted to break away from their way of thinking.

What is relatable to me about Michael Corleone is his beginning good intentions. I wonder if life, war, lies and hypocrisy can wear a man down to the point of becoming unrecognizable to himself. I wonder if God blames us for being changed by bad things or blames the bad things that changed us. God when he looks over a man, sees all the way through him the way no one ever has or ever could. I know myself that I wouldn't ever want my own deeds to be used as my source of atonement and means of redemption. God's standards are too high, too holy and too marvelous. I would not even seek to use deeds I consider good before Him who invented and personifies goodness. What do I know of good before Him. It is only because of Jesus Christ I hope and I live. It is only with Him as my atonement before God that I have any peace in this momentary life and the eternal one after. This peace is priceless in cost and therefore priceless in worth. There is something about when a matter is settled that brings a breath of calm. Even when the choice made was a hard one there is a peace because at least a choice is made. That is how I feel about my having faith in Jesus as the Son: it is a settled matter. My only hope of it remaning so is that He holds it firm in His hand. Life may be hard and some of my beginning intentions will inadvertently get sidetracked, but I know my justification is not found in any of my deeds but in Christ alone.

I will seek with steadfast devotion to please Him and obey,
and when I reek of failure I will go to Him and pray,
"Never would I seek to shame You,
or bring disgrace upon your name.
Make me ever like You to the glory of Your fame."