the lure of fire

"Love is something that you feel and very seldom see, but when you feel and see both at the same time, it’s everlasting.”  - photographer Anthony Barboza

 

When it comes to love, words are difficult. What is love really? Why do we love people? It seems like such an absurd thing to do, it's often not even a choice. Is love smart? Is it intellectual at all? A path we have transversed a thousand times before can become forever changed in an instant because of another, because of love. I believe that. I've experienced it.

 

Why do we know some people for years and never love them in the same way we love another we've known only hours, even minutes? Some people you met them and you just love them forever. Can't be changed. Can't be explained. Logic is irrelevant and time immaterial when it comes to love.

 

Everything he said in his drunken rambling type monologue was true; mostly everything of what I can remember was correct and I had no Guinness. (I get dazzled when I'm with him and zone out. I really need to work on not doing that. I mean how old am I? God. Get it together woman.) 

 

He's right. I know he's right. He made sense in his nonsensical stupor. Like a Sybil that goes into a trance to transmit truth, here intoxication was truths vector. Odd that he who would and could corrupt me so easily so readily, instead offers wise sound council. And he doesn't think there's any goodness in himself. Contradictions confound. 

 

It's not a game. I know that. I want you to know that I know, it's not a game. Behind all my teasing and joking I know the stakes are higher than ever. Innocence is serious. Intimacy sacred. At least I think so and don't want to give up those beliefs. I do understand that some things once done, can never be undone.

 

God shows himself through us and to us in ways unpredicted and uncounted; this time evidenced in a man who's wounds go deeper than I have yet to know, who in the dazzling darkness of night warned me to take heed over my body, soul, and mind.

 

Yet for all logic, all good council, all my noted wisdom from God...I fear akin to the generations of man before me, but like a moth to the flame am I...