My summer break is really short. Summer classes start on May 28th and I got an email from the program director yesterday saying I should start reading the textbook assignments now. Depressing. I'll buy my textbooks tomorrow when I am campus for work (not that anyone cares about that).
I don't understand people. I know, that's the introvert's slogan, but really, I don't. (I acknowledge my lack of understanding is more of an umbrella life statement than anything to do with school specifically.)
Sigh. I refuse to go back into the cloud of despair - I'm over it. There is light. I know it's there, I feel it. Not all the time but more than I did before. All that was me discouraged, depressed, doubtful, unhappy - I've let so much of it go. I remember things hopefully as they really happened, but more important is that I see things now as they really are.
What I love about the sunshine and warmer days is the chance to enjoy nature more fully. I've seen ducks create long ripples that stretch across the length of the pond, yellow fiches flying, robins hopping, tiny gofers freeze like a statue at every sound, heard the bright red cardinal sing - I love Spring. Today as I walked my 3 miles, it was the Baltimore oriole that I saw - a pair of them to be exact. Like a neon sign blinks to be noticed, their fluttering neon orange called for attention. It's something to think, that noticing neon wasn't our idea but God's; we mortals really do take credit for too many things.
I had a dream last night. It's not the first night that conflict and confusion in my life has been solved by a dream. As nonsensical as dreams often seem they have meaning. They've helped me in the past with my relationships and the one last night was no exception. This may be a rather bold leap, but in the problem that I'm having, I don't think I'm the problem. Just sayin'. Shrugging shoulders. I could be wrong, stranger things have happened, but I've looked at this situation for too long from every angle and I just don't get it. Or maybe an even bolder leap would be to say, after all my stress: there is no problem. I'm done using my overactive intuition to try and sense things not plainly stated. From now on, unless someone tells me there's problem, there's not.
Don't let neon have to hit you to notice it. The bright colors of God's creation show us it is possible for life to be about fun, otherwise, wouldn't everything be gray? xo
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