knit knot finished

I started knitting something... a couple years ago. It's a scarf and it's still unfinished. I don't remember how to begin again (knit terminology is casting on) so I can't start over and I don't know how to finish it up (knit term casting off); so I keep knitting what I know. It's a really long scarf now. I feel like this scarf is a pretty good metaphor for a period in my life called middling twenties. You can't go back and you can't go forward - it's limbo.

I hate limbo. When all plans are for naught, all good intentions remain just that and efforts produced lessons not sought but nonetheless real. Middling twenties. Learning to knit was a goal I made for myself and in the loosest sense it is accomplished. However I am stuck on the same piece I started, one color, one width, endless length. (In life I feel like I am stuck at the same place I started, same job, one pay grade and endless days of time clock punching.) I need to surrender the knitting needles to someone with more skill than I; I have long ago surrendered the ball of knotted yarn called "my life" and after much much patience, prayer and some shaming moments of self-pity, recent developments are giving me great hope.

No one knits alone, no one knits a scarf never to be seen or blanket never to give warmth, no one should. There is something intimate about knitting. It's an amazing process, the loose becoming the gathered. These middling twenties have been part of that process. I will finish what I started knitting but more importantly than that is the future hope that I will no longer be knotted up in life. It has been thus far the unplanned for events of life which have been the most meaningful and most heartbreaking. I wanted a straight and easy path, filled with light and lithe; instead the path has been steep and winding, filled with long periods of shadow. I don't know how much of what happens to us is in our own hands. I don't think I ever will understand how God's sovereignty and our free will meet; seriously, do I have real choice when God has full omnipotence? Sigh... alas... somethings are too much to grapple or grasp.

My Gran takes a craft class on Tuesdays. She came home today with good word; five minutes later I had a finished scarf. One never knows how or when a knot in life will be undone. xo