virtual rule #8

Virtual rule #8: Stop and think (Part 2)

"There is a simple rule by which...one...can at least refrain from being a pest or a bore. And the rule is merely to stop and think."-page 48, Etiquette In Society, In Business, In Politics and At Home, Emily Post

This above quote is from a chapter entitled "Conversation" in which I found convicting and enormously valuable communication advice. We have already addressed the importance of the internal check of stop and think when it comes to honoring others and respecting privacy. (For more info please refer to Virtual Rule #7) The virtual world gives us numerous ways of "speaking" without having to listen and that is one of its greatest downfalls. Let's look at some additional ways "stop and think" is an invaluable tool:

• Conveniences inconvenience - There was a time when communication was not as accessible. There was no telephone or email or instant texting; if you wanted to communicate something you would have to write a letter (the art of which is dying) and send it snail mail - through the post office. Or you would have to have a trusted associate relay the information for you. This inaccessibility caused communication to be more thoughtful, more shall we say, pondered. There is something about the handwritten note that conveys intimacy and fellowship in a way an email never will or can. (The tangibility of something to hold, the stationary paper, the stamped envelope, the personal penmanship - all these things are irreplaceable and something an email can't replicate.) The convenience of instant communication is at times its greatest inconvenience. Because we can communicate so vastly and quickly the window of pause to stop and think has dissolved. Remember in your virtual communications to slow down, ponder the words, meaning and motive in your communications. Perhaps step away for an hour from the "SEND" button; ponder the communicated information contained inside the email, text message, blog post... treat "SEND" as you would a stamp on a handwritten letter, for in our virtual world that is exactly what it is.
• Play to your audience -  "Would a young mother describe twenty or thirty cunning tricks and sayings of the baby to a bachelor who has been helplessly put beside her at dinner if she thought? She would know very well, alas! that not even a very dear friend would really care for more than a hors d'oeuvre of the subject, at the board of general conversation." (page 49, ibid.) This is a vital plus in the call of stop and think. Who has not at some point been bombarded with too much information and prattle from someone regarding their children, family, pets, career or education? Eh-ugh! there is no one at times more thoughtless than the new parent, the newly married (even the newly dating) or the highly educated. Talk of your fortunes, delights, even your troubles, whatever it may be, in moderation and with consideration, with that in mind you can never go wrong. Everyone, not even the closest of friends, need hear through Facebook or over coffee, of the twenty cute and adorable things your little bundle of joy did or about how every single thing in your life is perfect. Care and at times therefore spare your audience.

I remember in grade school learning the phrase "Stop, Drop & Roll" regarding what to do if you happen to catch fire. In communication remember the phrase "Stop and think" for then you never need roll to put out flames caused by thoughtlessness.