virtual rule #6

Virtual Rule #6: Don't Kid Yourself About Kidding

“More objectionable than the garden-variety criticizer/gossip is the bigot-someone who makes joking or derogatory remarks about a religious, ethnic, or cultural group... Every time anyone participates in hateful ethnic, racial or other personal conversation-whether the comments are blatantly derogatory or couched in a joke-he’s practicing a form of intolerance. Taking part is not just uncivil; it also implies that he is willing to accept bigotry and prejudice.” (Page 288, Emily Post’s Etiquette by Peggy Post) 

People who shrug off deliberate deceptions, saying, "I didn't mean it, I was only joking," Are worse than careless campers who walk away from smoldering campfires. (Proverbs 26:18-19, The Message)

Hiding what you really feel behind behind a guise of "I was just kidding" isn't at all funny. It is at best careless speech and at worst tantamount to verbal bullying. Also, if you find yourself repeatedly saying and thinking "other people are too sensitive" you need to stop examining them and take at look at yourself. If you feel always on the defensive by others commenting that your words are too biting for fun maybe you need to work on how you use your words and tone of voice. This is something we all need to be personally aware of.

Obviously this does not mean that ALL joking is mean spirited or filled with malicious intent. Laughter is necessary to our overall well-being and the ability to laugh at oneself a valuable characteristic. The nature of the humor correlates with the motive of the humorist; examine the motives behind your joking. Are you joking others from a place of pridefulness? Are you joking others from a place of fear? Do you use humor hoping with your words to "bring down" others because you find them somehow threatening your self-image?

A side note on satire - satire is defined as the use of humor, irony or exaggeration in order to show how foolish or wicked some people's behavior or ideas are. It is a genre that uses mockery of society to shock that society into an honest look at itself. Sometimes I find satire like the The Daily Show funny and sometimes I find it uncouth, ill guided and pointless. People will not always agree on what is humorous, I accept that; but even in the world of satire one must be cautious with their method and ultimate aim. Something I find precarious is when one makes a joke about their own race or gender but is then offended when someone not of that race or gender makes a similar joke. Why is it OK for me to disparage the characteristics of my own race/gender or whatever it may be but for someone else not to? It doesn't make any sense. In our discourse let us not bring ourselves or others down.

Be cautious with the "kidding" you give others; the only joke in the end may be you.