separate me from my heart

We are well into summer now. Every weekend contains a new "must see" summer movie. I remember several years ago now, the must see summer movie was the latest installment from The Pirates of the Caribbean series. I mention the series because in them there is the story line of Davy Jones physically cutting out his own heart to separate himself from the pain of love and betrayal.The concept and imagery of a person cutting their own heart out and locking it in box where it beats separated from its owner, is very interesting. I think it has a very literary tone to it and I think the idea, though very mystical, is very relateable.

Another movie, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, has characters going through a procedure to have memories removed - unpleasant memories as well happy memories. The memory itself is not the issue, it's the people involved in them. The issue of our past aren't often so much a matter of what exactly happened but of who was involved. It's more a matter of what they meant to us in that memory and what they mean or don't mean to us now. We look back at our pasts through the lens of our current life and that lens can enhance that memory or darken it. What is interesting about the movie, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, is that removing a memory often resulted in removing a very large part what made that character that character. The idea of removing a painful memory has an appeal on the surface. A person who's spouse cheats on them and lies to them suffers more than a citizen who's congressional representative takes a cut back from a lobbyist. Yes the dishonesty may affect the citizen to some degree but the infidelity and betrayal of one's spouse would hurt in a more direct, personal, permanent way. Which part of the event would you remove? The knowledge of the infidelity, the memory of the infidelity, all the moments and lies surrounding it? How much memory would need to be eliminated to allow someone to really forget?

Hearing about a tragedy that occurs hundreds of miles away, isn't as devastating as those events that occur under our own roof. We may feel bad or sorry for "them out there" but we aren't really tuned in to the loss; it isn't personal for us. There is the flip side - where we hear about someone helping another person out of a sticky situation. We may be happy for them but it doesn't really mean much to us - not like it would if we were the one rescued.

The direct impact we can have on those around us is awesome and terrible at the same time. We are not born with the mentality of putting others first. It is more tragic that this truth can remain unchanged even after having children or getting married or making a friendship. The concept of "me before you" prevails all too often. Putting another persons needs before your own is just not done all that often. My heart has been thoughtful the last few days, turned towards those who have serious addiction struggles or deep seated mental issues. I wonder what role relationships played in their downward trajectory, their spiraling descent. Someone said to me the other day, "Water rises to the same level" meaning people will pull you down to make themselves feel better. "Misery loves company" to borrow another phrase. There are those in life who don't want to see others succeed because anothers joy doesn't make them feel good about their bad choices, misdeeds, or wasted chances. There is a great lack of honesty, transparency, and self examination in our culture.

I wish I had a nice beautiful bow to wrap this post up with but I can't come up with one. Genesis 24:45 says "Before I had finished praying in my heart..You God answered my prayer." I don't know if my heart is close to me or far from me, but the needs of my heart, the deepest longings contained within it, the capacity it has to love, is all known by God. So I ask Him, help me to pray from what feels my absent and irregular heart...