worrying over "no worries"

When I say no worries to someone, I mean it sincerely. "No worries about getting back to me right away" "No worries about being a bit late to the movie" "No worries if you can't make it" - I say it because I recognize that are times when I will need someone to say that to me - it's OK if you can't reply right away, I understand you're running late... so on.

I was recently scolded for my use of the phrase "no worries" which really hurt me and then pissed me off actually. This event has forced me to spend entirely too much time analyzing my use of what I intend to be a non worrying phrase. This is bullshit.

Who criticizes the use of the phrase "no worries"? A person who should be worried, that's who.

The one who said this to me has jerked me around, been moody and distant, noncommittal to making ANY plans, basically shutdown any meaningful communication - AND I AM THE ONE BEING SCOLDED! Seriously. SERIOUSLY!

I said "no worries" to this person because I didn't want to make them feel pressured or put on the spot. They're going through a tough time in their life right now. I was trying to be nice, to put them at ease. (Why am I such a friggin doormat sometimes??!!) They haven't been the most receptive to my requests as of late; I probably said it more to myself than anything, to remind myself that if they do or don't take interest or respond the way I expect or want, that it isn't the end of the world. "No worries self, it will be OK no matter what" I sometimes have to talk like that to myself. It keeps me from quickly spiraling into a vortex of depression or a pissed off rage of bitchiness (whichever really, it could go either way).What can I say, sometimes my mental health is extremely fragile; this we know by now.

I would call this person out on their behavior if I thought for a second that how I felt or that what I thought meant anything. But I don't believe it does, not really. So I say nothing. Why risk honesty, truth, and feelings with someone who has shown disregard for them in the past? It doesn't seem like a wise idea. I don't trust this person so how can I be honest, transparent, authentic, and real with them? It's a no brainer, really, or so it seems to me.

In a relationship that has become all about what they want, how they feel, what they need, when they need it - it's hard to be confident, to be assertive, to be normal even.

Did I use "no worries" in a passive aggressive way? Maybe... if I'm honest... maybe I did. But in my defense, I don't know which way is up in this relationship. I do know that a little grace, a little compassion, a little patience with me, a little less trigger on pointing out every and any perceived fault - would be fucking awesome and completely deserved.

Some self talk, Oprah would suggest that right? "Sigh. Breathe. OK. OK. No one likes to be criticized. No one likes when someone finds fault. Just take a deep breath. If there is something to be learned from this, learn it and move on. Don't berate yourself. Don't get (stay) pissed off. AND don't let anyone dull your sparkle or make you doubt who you are and settle for less than you deserve."