ok...it was a perfect day

I wasn't one of the people to rise early to watch the Royal Wedding; no I was just one to stare at photos online and watch an hour long TV special about the wedding when I got home from work. Much to my chagrin I did find myself gushing over the whole thing actually. The looks William and Kate shared with each other would make anyone happy for them. Truly it was an emotionally moving, "perfect" day. The weather, the clothes, the dress, the setting, the sentiment - it was all... flawless.

This weekend started a tad shaky with the Internet going down at home. This wouldn't be a crisis ordinarily but I needed to finish up a scholarship application and having the Internet was imperative. I managed to get a hold of tech support after work on Friday and after a two hour long wait and a pointless conversation - they agreed to send a technician out the next day... and low behold they did. He came, fixed the issue, it is surreal how well it all went. He came before noon like promised and was gone by one. I took a shower, cleaned up and went out for a manicure/pedicure. I remembered to bring my nail polish color I wanted to use. My nail were actually dry when I left and are currently still chip free (which is an amazing feat ha ha). I went to the grocery store with no incidents of horror to report. Came home and took my Grammy out for a pre-mothers day dinner. Arrived home to start a new craft crochet project. I really got a lot done today. Perhaps perfect days aren't meant for only Princes. Sometimes when a good day comes along, appreciate it. "Perfect" is different for every person. Hope perfection found you today too. xox

the real royal wedding

The Marriage Supper of the Lamb 

Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,

"Hallelujah!For the Lord our God
the Almighty reigns.
Let us rejoice and exult
and give him the glory,
for the marriage of the Lamb has come,
and his Bride has made herself ready;
it was granted her to clothe herself
with fine linen, bright and pure"—
for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.

And the angel said to me, "Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb." And he said to me, "These are the true words of God." Then I fell down at his feet to worship him, but he said to me, "You must not do that! I am a fellow servant with you and your brothers who hold to the testimony of Jesus. Worship God." For the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.

The Rider on a White Horse 

Then I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse! The one sitting on it is called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he judges and makes war. His eyes are like a flame of fire, and on his head are many diadems, and he has a name written that no one knows but himself. He is clothed in a robe dipped in blood, and the name by which he is called is The Word of God. And the armies of heaven, arrayed in fine linen, white and pure, were following him on white horses. From his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations, and he will rule them with a rod of iron. He will tread the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God the Almighty. On his robe and on his thigh he has a name written, King of kings and Lord of lords.

Then I saw an angel standing in the sun, and with a loud voice he called to all the birds that fly directly overhead, "Come, gather for the great supper of God, to eat the flesh of kings, the flesh of captains, the flesh of mighty men, the flesh of horses and their riders, and the flesh of all men, both free and slave, both small and great." And I saw the beast and the kings of the earth with their armies gathered to make war against him who was sitting on the horse and against his army. And the beast was captured, and with it the false prophet who in its presence had done the signs by which he deceived those who had received the mark of the beast and those who worshiped its image. These two were thrown alive into the lake of fire that burns with sulfur. And the rest were slain by the sword that came from the mouth of him who was sitting on the horse, and all the birds were gorged with their flesh. (Revelation 19:6-21)

spectacular spectacles

Spectacles draw a lot of attention. The spectacle of a three year old throwing a tantrum in aisle three of Walmart can draw some awkward attention. A fender bender on the side of the highway can turn into a spectacle as people bring traffic to a snails pace to stare at the scene. The spectacle of a rich British woman marrying a richer, more privileged British man draws more attention than a nation in chaos, a region in turmoil or a garbage float twice the size of the state of Texas floating out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Real life, real issues, real pain, real loss, real injustice - all of this is really ignored for the sake of a more amusing spectacle. What is humanities bent on making trivial things into public spectacles and ignoring important matters all together?

I was talking with a friend the other night about the upcoming royal wedding and how I will be so glad when it is all over. The royal wedding is all the "news" seems capable of discussing. "Kate and William: The Saga of Love" is getting a ginormous amount of play in the media. I am almost physically ill because of it. I don't begrudge the couple their happiness or their future together - but it does not consume my life or affect my life or change my life. I had the news on last night and already little British girls are dropping higher aspirations of being humanitarians, doctors and scientists, instead aspiring to become royal princesses. How sad is that, what does that say about how women view themselves and how women are viewed by others? Beauty and fertility are still regarded as woman's highest assets.

Some public spectacles can be used as a means of warning. In the past hanging criminals was done in public to show all the penalty for serious crimes. The Romans used public spectacles of punishment to show their power and public spectacles of entertainment to show their wealth. Mankind has always been attracted to ostentatious, gregarious spectacles. May this British royal wedding spectacle make us think of the true spectacle: an innocent, perfect, poor Nazarene man and God's only Son being slaughtered for the sins of those who would but believe in him. Now that is a spectacular spectacle!

Jesus said to them, "Have you never read in the Scriptures: "'The stone the builders rejected has become the cornerstone; the Lord has done this, and it is marvelous in our eyes!’?"' Matthew 21:42

the straight line

It is said that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. Going straight seems like it should be easy enough but going straight only works if you know where you are and where you need to go. One good thing to come out of the Rob Bell "Love Wins" book crisis, is how much it has made so many people think about what they believe and why the believe it. I know it has made me read more than I have in long time and pick up my bible more than I have in months.

To know where I stand as a human being in general and as a specific individual before God is truly important. To know the distance between myself and God is important. To appreciate that God is not myself or anything like myself or anyone else for that matter, is important. To know that the greatest gift God gives is Himself - God is the Gospel. I don't love God because I fear Hell, I love God because I fear God. I don't love God because I want social justice, I love God hence I care about social justice. (How would I even know what soical justice was without God to push the definition further than man would ever take it!) I don't love God because I want a full bank account and a Lexus, I love God because his "love is better than life." (Psalm 63:3) I don't love God because I think it will make me popluar and make me liked, I love God because He "is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (Psalm 73:26) I don't like God, I love God. God's love for me does not depend on my love for him, nor is the amount with which I love him the amount with which he loves me. Love doesn't mean exemption from grief, exemption from truth, exemption from reality, exemption for consequence, exemption from correction. "Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me." (Revelation 3:19-20) Throw open the door and worshp the glory of God in the face of Christ Jesus!

bloom for You

New York Times article regarding Washington DC's declining tourism was titled "Cherry Blossoms Bloom, Even as Tourism Recedes." It made me think how maybe the blossoms aren't blooming for us. They bloom whether we notice them or not, they bloom whether we tend them or not. All of creation is responding to its Creator; this Spring may we as well. xo

even in hell they still don't get it

The Rich Man and Lazarus (Luke 16:19-31)

"There was a rich man who was clothed in purple and fine linen and who feasted sumptuously every day. And at his gate was laid a poor man named Lazarus, covered with sores, who desired to be fed with what fell from the rich man’s table. Moreover, even the dogs came and licked his sores. The poor man died and was carried by the angels to Abraham’s side. The rich man also died and was buried, and in Hades, being in torment, he lifted up his eyes and saw Abraham far off and Lazarus at his side. And he called out, 'Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus to dip the end of his finger in water and cool my tongue, for I am in anguish in this flame.' But Abraham said, 'Child, remember that you in your lifetime received your good things, and Lazarus in like manner bad things; but now he is comforted here, and you are in anguish. And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, in order that those who would pass from here to you may not be able, and none may cross from there to us.' And he said, 'Then I beg you, father, to send him to my father’s house— for I have five brothers—so that he may warn them, lest they also come into this place of torment.' But Abraham said, 'They have Moses and the Prophets; let them hear them.' And he said, 'No, father Abraham, but if someone goes to them from the dead, they will repent.' He said to him, 'If they do not hear Moses and the Prophets, neither will they be convinced if someone should rise from the dead.'"

I have been thinking about this story from Luke ever since Rob Bell's new book buzz. Something I hadn't noticed before suddenly dawned on me; if light bulbs appear overhead when awareness strikes, I would have had a big, blinking light bulb overhead. From just this story it is clear that Jesus is telling there are no second chances after death nor are there opportunities to effect change on earth after death. Jesus is also clearly saying that if one is not convinced here in this life by the Scriptures, they will NEVER BE CONVINCED not even if a dead man visited them. The rich man during his life on earth had a lot of things - wealth, abundant provisions, lush living. It wouldn't be unfair to also say that these riches afforded the rich man a certain praised status in high society, a sheltered existence that was completely unaware of the quality of life existing just outside his gate. Lazarus was poor and thus despised, which is not much different from the way the poor are treated now. The narrative describes "dogs coming to lick his sores", this does not a blessed picture make. The poor have always been treated with a degree of contempt by many in high and privileged society. The poor are often blamed for their poverty and misfortune. In some societies the destitute are treated as less than human, forced to scrap out survival among trash heaps.

The new thing that dawned on me about this story is that the rich man even in death does not get that Lazarus is not "lesser" or inferior or contemptible. The rich man even in death was treating Lazarus as someone who should do his bidding and ease his suffering ("send Lazarus with water for me", "send Lazarus to my brothers"). The idea that he had treated Lazarus wrong never dawns on him or occurs to him. The idea that Lazarus was his equal, someone who should directly be addressed, directly be asked for a favor - is still completely missed by the "rich" man.

The way the poor and those on the fringes of society are treated is important to God; what is important to God is important to those who love God. May we look at who is lying right outside our own "gates", may we see them as our equal which they are and seek to help them as they need. May we also realize that there are no second chances after this life is over and appreciate that the greatest need mankind faces in not the physical but the spiritual. "...We appeal to you not to receive the grace of God in vain. For he says, "In a favorable time I listened to you, and in a day of salvation I have helped you." Behold, now is the favorable time; behold, now is the day of salvation." (2 Corinthians 6:1-2)

forgiving God

"Do you know what? God wants you to come to him with all your heartaches, even if you think he caused them. In all good relationships, we must go to the one that’s hurt us and tell them. If we don’t get honest with God when he’s hurt us, that chasm between him and us will only grow. That bitterness takes root and we find ourselves all the further off track without him." - from another blog, Living by Faith

I have been wanting to write a post on this subject for awhile. It's a difficult subject to address, I think because not all honesty is embraced in the Christian community. There is a ton of acceptance and applause for being perky, being upbeat, being cute - but not a lot of support for depression, sadness and confusion. I hope this blog is a help to those who don't have all the answers and aren't always comfortable with the patent answers they are given. There are seasons of genuine loss, grief, despair, confusion, loneliness for everyone. To deny the existence of those feelings is to deny a person a part of their journey, to deny them a greater understanding of who God is. It has been through my struggles and setbacks, that I have come to lean on God. When things are great or the status quo is being maintained, my spiritual growth slows to a trickle sometimes even reverses. I think here on this planet I need struggle and things to wrestle with to keep me grounded, to keep me humble, to keep me longing for Him. I know myself, "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out." (Romans 7:18)

My trust issues and ill-will towards God stem from my hurt pride in not getting what I wanted or what I thought I deserved. Truly its vanity that pushes away my ability to trust Him. I wish I could say, "I am this and I will always be this" or "I believe this and that will never change" but I myself cannot do even that. I myself alone have not the character to start truly or complete finally the journey of faith without Him helping me and keeping me. This is not an excuse to continue to do wrong, for saying "But I can't help myself!" isn't going to fly before Him.

Choices don't equal rights. Just because an option is open to us or a possibility/opportunity exists, that does not mean we have the unanswerable right to take it. Choices don't equal rights. They didn't in the garden and they don't here. Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, "“You did not make me”? Can the pot say to the potter, “You know nothing”?" (Isaiah 29:16). No, we were not made to glorify ourselves or to be glorified. No, an image bearer is meant to give glory to the Original Image not the other way around. Mans glory is to reflect God's glory and when it fails to do so, God is maligned. A powerful God need not also be loving and kind and merciful but HE IS. "In all their affliction He was afflicted, And the Angel of His Presence saved them; In His love and in His pity He redeemed them; And He bore them and carried them all the days of old." (Isaiah 63:9)

Forgiving God is about honesty. It's about really seeking out anew who we ourselves really are and who God really is. A big part of forgiving God is realizing the need to give God the glory He deserves. Forgiving God...as if...Oh God forgive us for our foolish muddled thoughts!

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Genesis 50:20, Romans 8:28)

hard-boiled, sunny-side & scrambled

A friend of mine mentioned that she was going to be coloring eggs with her small children over the weekend. It made me remember when I would color eggs around Easter time. It was nothing more than a craft made special and exciting by the exclusivity of its occurring only once a year. I remember sticking stickers on the colored eggs and making one for each family member. I remember granny searching the cupboards for the bottle of vinegar needed to make the colors. I don't really remember eating many hard-boiled eggs as a kid though...odd.

There was a time when life seemed like nothing but fun and opportunities were endless. Doing dishes was exciting and going to the market was an adventure. There was a time when wanting to be a princess who traveled to the moon and was CEO of Crayola color magic and Lisa Frank sticker factory wasn't far fetched or unattainable. Many teachers encouraged us to dream and dream big, to let our imaginations soar. Pretend and make believe wasn't silly or stupid. I don't know at what exact point a child becomes an adult, I don't know exactly when we put away childish things nor how those childish things are determined; I only know there came a time for me when coloring eggs wasn't thought of, when playing with Barbies became boring and the odds of me actually going to the moon where realized as slim.

It seems like as adults we don't get colored eggs anymore. As adults our eggs are always white and occasionally brown but they're never colored. The assignments we get as adults are less carefree. We become responsible for big deal things, losing a little bit of that whimsy that a tie-dyed egg represents. As adults we relate more to the cooked egg than to the colored craft. Some of us become boiled in the high temperatures of anger and bitterness or some become hardened from a life bubbling too fast for too long with no break to cool and reflect. Some of us are like an egg cooked sunny side up and are too runny, going all over the place, lacking the ability to stick with something for very long or have a fixed, healthy goal. "Sunny-siders" appear jovial but aren't concerned with long term consequences or in handling messy cleanups. And lastly some adults are scrambling to get the next new, better and bigger thing, scrambling for that always out of reach boyfriend, relationship, career, or car - scrambling to do it all and have it all.

In the end coming out of the shell is an inevitable process but what comes out is a matter of preparation. How prepared are you? xo

what are we fighting for?

There are different kinds of fighters in this world. There are firefighters who brave burning buildings and put out scorching flames. There are boxers who train their bodies to not just give a physical beating but to take one. Some fight for personal glory, some for national pride. Some fight battles within themselves.

Fighting is such a part of life. We fight to survive. We fight to provide. We fight to thrive. We fight the daily grind. We fight the asphalt jungle. We fight the traffic and the crowds. We fight for a parking space. We fight the battle of the bulge. We fight poverty. We fight AIDS. We fight cancer. I am so tired of fighting. Paul wrote in 1 Timothy 6:12, "Fight the good fight of the faith" but honestly, sometimes I am so exhausted from fighting all the other battles occurring inside the span of a twenty-four hour day the idea of taking on another fight is overwhelming. I was thinking on the drive home the other day about how exhausting this life of fighting can be and it made me wonder, "What are we supposed to fight for?"

Does Jesus call us to fight for Him? Does He call his followers to fight for his name to be believed and respected? If He does call us to fight for Him, in what way does He want us to do it? Certainly not with swords and clubs, nor with anger and malice. Right before Paul writes "Fight the good fight of the faith", he wrote to Timothy, "But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness." Gentleness now there is word like salve to the heart wounded and weary from a life filled with fighting. Jesus is a gentle man and a gentle King. Think about his patience and humility, his faith and strength. He had no armor of steel or iron, He had not a visible throne from which to make important decrees, He was not clothed in fine garments nor adored with precious stones - yet He fought the biggest battle ever, the battle for the human soul. In a certain sense you could say it wasn't even His fight; He having nothing himself to atone for took upon himself our fight for atonement. He took on a battle he knew we could never win ourselves and one it for us. Think about Him today and think of what a true fighter is.

virtual rule #10

Virtual Rule #10: complete sentences+complete words = A Completed Thought

I like shortcuts as much as the next person. If I can shave some time off a project and still get the same result as if going the long way around, I am giddy. Case in point, I try to send a text message of God centered encouragement everyday. I love the challenge of conveying a big thought or truth into a 160 character space text message. It is amazing how many times it works out to be exactly 160 character spaces but there are times when I have gone way over the 160 character limit. When this happens abbreviations & symbols become a vital lifeline. I say all this to show that I do appreciate abbreviations BUT I think we are using them too often and unnecessarily.

I know the whole point of text messaging is to keep communication short and concise but not everything can be condensed down into an abbreviation; sometimes you are going to have to type the whole word out (or imagine this CALL THE PERSON!). When your communication can't be understood there is a problem. This is going to sound possibly silly but, "Say what you are saying." Communicate what is going on, what you want to happen, what you need to happen - and if there is an inconsistency between these three things, acknowledge it and seek out an effective remedy.

Example scenario: Two friends have plans to meet up for lunch. One of the friends has a migraine and cannot even open her eyes without pain. She wants to have lunch but realistically needs to reschedule. Hemming and hawing is not going to fix the situation. A decision needs to be made and then that decision needs to be communicated. A text of: "Sorry but I can't make lunch. Bad migraine today, can't move. Can we reschedule 4 next week?" It's really that easy. Don't belabor the point and drag it on. Don't wait till 30 minutes before meeting to cancel. Just say what you need to say plain and promptly.

Use abbreviations only to the extent that the communication being rendered is still effective and completely able to be understood. Don't dance around an issue either. If the recipient of a message scratches their head in puzzlement and has to get out an interpreting guide and Ouija board than communication methods need to be examined. Be clear. Be concise. Be kind.

defining BOLD

Merriam Webster Dictionary - Definition of BOLD:
1a: fearless before danger b: showing or requiring a fearless daring spirit
2: impudent, presumptuous
3 obsolete : assured, confident
4: sheer, steep <bold cliffs>
5: adventurous, free <a bold thinker>
6: standing out prominently

I was talking with a friend the other night and Rob Bell's new book came into the discussion. The word "bold" was thrown around regarding Rob Bell's exegesis regarding God, love and hell. The word "bold" was being used with positive connotations, "Rob Bell is being bold with his new book." It has troubled me ever since. "Bold" is not a word I would use to describe Bell's misusing biblical text and attempting to dissuade people away from truthful, contextual biblical interpretation; I would call this heretical, tragic and disheartening but I would never call it "bold". If Rob Bell has a problem with God and who God shows himself to be through the text of the bible, I would respect him more if he rejected scripture entirely instead of trying to twist biblical texts to say things that it doesn't say. Rob Bell isn't being bold, he is being impudent and insolent. If Bell were just some dude who wrote a book attempting to start a discussion about Hell, God and love - that would be fine and that not something people should fear BUT that's not what he is doing. Bell isn't just some "dude", he is a pastor, a teacher and supposed to be an apparent spiritual Christian leader and when he says or writes something, he is laying out a theology. With this book he's attempting to promote a certain viewpoint and dissuade people of differing views into believing his view; this is a serious thing especially if he is wrong.

Just because something true makes me uncomfortable or is hard for me as a mortal to completely grasp, doesn't mean it becomes not true. No man has the ability in and of themselves to define absolute truth - that's what makes it absolute truth. Absolute truth lies outside of mankind in the being and personhood of God who is outside of all things and yet made all things. This is part of the great mystery and power that make God, God. If I completely understood God I would be God. I know there are a lot of people who can't accept this.

Maybe I am just being too much of stickler here regarding the word bold. In the end I guess it really struck me because I equate whether rightly or wrongly the word bold with the word beautiful. It is beautiful when something that you imagine to be small and weak does something bold and brave. It is beautiful when a person is bold and shares something unknown about themselves with others. A lot of things are BOLD and beautiful, I just don't think Rob Bell's recent publishing is one of them.

the testing

How fitting that this post occurs on the same day as the post entitled "the trusting", for low and behold today my trust has been tested. I have been tested in sort of indirect ways; a lot of things happening around me but not directly to me. Things that I can either let stress me and fret me or I can trust God. Normally I let things get to me; I can actually feel the stress inside building. I try to tackle a goal that is too big instead of breaking into manageable realistic stages. Today, I felt that same feeling of uncertainty giving rise to panic. I had a talk with myself, saying either I will trust God completely or I will needlessly freak myself out. There is no sort of partial credit available when it comes to trust, it's pass or fail. So I talked myself down from my inner metal ledge and took a deep breath. When the next testing of trust comes (and it will) I will remember to take life as it comes with trust that God is with me and before me.

"But be assured today that the LORD your God is the one who goes across ahead of you like a devouring fire..." Deuteronomy 9:3

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Dueteronomy 31:8

the trusting

God isn't counting on you. God doesn't have all his hopes wrapped up in you. God's sovereignty will not be upended because you mess up, screwed up, failed or fall short. God is big, really really big; way bigger than our individual failings and way bigger than our corporate "successes". Please stop carrying the burden of the misconception that God is "counting on us" because it's toxic. We aren't meant to be the Trustee (the one who manages the big picture and controls ultimate endings); we are meant to be the trusting. Whatever we do, we should do out of trust in God and faith in His Son. We should never act from the belief that God is trusting in us and needs our "gifts". Instead we should be humbled that God is able to make anything good from us, truly! glory be to God! "For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, "Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord." (1 Corinthians 1:26-31)

When we fall short, when we are acutely aware of our sinfulness before a holy God, when we are perceiving the awe, splendor and majesty of God revealed to us through Jesus Christ - it will shrink us into silent reverence and worship, a fear drawing us closer to God not further away. When our gifts fall short, when we who are good at speaking can't project our voice, when we who write can't find the right words, when we who lead take a stumble - we need to know that God isn't diminished. Our seeming failures and many weakness aren't to be equated with God failing or being weak. Don't trust in yourself but trust in God!

This is not to say that God doesn't have expectations for us. There are ways he wants us to behave and things expects us to do but our obedience must flow out of our faith in Him and our hoping in his promises. Don't trust in yourself but trust in God! "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?" And he (Jesus) said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment." (Matthew 22:36-38)

"...I trust in you, O LORD; I say, "You are my God."" Psalm 31:14

so great a sacrifice

Do you feel worthy enough of having Christ give His life for you? Do you feel He did the right thing (smart thing? wise thing? just thing?) in giving his life (His perfect, spotless, blemish-free, sinless, innocent life) for you? Maybe because it is traditionally what is called "Holy Week", I am pondering more heavily than I have in a long time what Jesus' life and death means. I am considering closely the words, "Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8) and this is giving way to my having a deep connection in my heart with the tax collector from Luke 18 who could not even raise his eyes towards the heavens where God dwells but who looking at the ground, beat his breast, and said, "God have mercy on me a sinner."

I have been gnawing over this issue today and my short answer to the above questions has been "No." I don't feel worthy of so great a sacrifice on my behalf. I don't think I am worthy and here is the kicker, it really doesn't matter what I think. It really doesn't matter if I feel worthy of such a sacrifice because it's not about me, at least it's not about me in any central sense. My feeling don't determine the truth either way for Truth lies outside of me and my fickle feelings.

I was feeling really low and down earlier while thinking about worth, Jesus and the mess called me. I was thinking of Him who deserved only the best that man can offer, of Him whom even mans best isn't worthy enough for. I was thinking of Him who deserves all honor, only the deepest respect and continual worship being unjustly convicted, sickeningly slandered, openly mocked, physically tortured, and unduly degraded. All this done to Him and he did not participate in the spectacle of his mock trial, He did not call for fire to fall from Heaven upon his slanderous accusers, He did not rain down curses upon his many executioners; instead in the midst of this horror, He prayed to God, He cared for His mother, was concerned for the welfare of future generations, fulfilled the prophecies and entrusted Himself to His Father.

This helped me at just the right time, Luke 15:19-24:
“...I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants.”’ 
“And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
“But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. And bring the fatted calf here and kill it, and let us eat and be merry; for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ And they began to be merry."

What God has redeemed let no man overlook.
What God has restored let no man reject.
What God has cleansed let no man defile.
What God has loved let no man despise.

home isn't a physical structure

The phrase "Hospitality without the house" from a previous post keeps coming to my mind. I think it's because I am in my later twenties and don't have a house or a dwelling all my own. I figured that by this time I would have a house with a garage and a dishwasher. I thought I would be mowing the grass in the summer and raking leaves in the fall.

Maybe there is something to be said about not getting what you think you want, when you think you want it. Maybe if I had gotten all that I thought I wanted, I would have missed out on what I needed. Going back to school fills me with excited nausea. The nursing road is a long one and there are many different places it could take a person. I have a long way before I will be ready to apply for the RN nursing program itself, at least if I do it through the local community college; so much to think about and figure out. Trepidation fills me and if a nervous breakdown isn't to follow, I am going to have to learn to trust a higher power.

I was thinking yesterday about this guy that I really loved and would have done anything for. He never gave me the time of day really and it occurred to me that maybe God did that for a reason. Maybe I wouldn't have had gained courage if I had gotten what I thought I wanted. Maybe I wouldn't have been able to go back to school if I was in a serious relationship. Maybe I wouldn't be willing to try this new path if this particular person were more central in my life. It became apparent to me that maybe he really wasn't right for me and that, go figure, God knew it all along. It's hard sometimes when you think you know what you want, when you think you know what would be best for youself. Short sightedness is such a reality to we mortals; I hope it doesn't have to be.

With the crazy spring weather, in which it is 80 degrees one day and snowing the next, I watched a lot of Netflix over the weekend. I watched a Disney movie of all things (I am such a Pollyanna) and there was a moral in it that is so fitting for what I coming to discover. The moral went like this: It’s more important to have what you need than what you want. It really makes you think about separating and distinguishing between needs and wants. Relationships and laughter, someone to share moments with - these are the things that are truly needed on a human level. Savor people and relationships while you have them and don't take them not for granted. When you take the scale of needs versus wants to the spiritual level, your left with the reality that this Being called "God" trumps all finite worries.

Look at your life and see that it is filled with a lot of what you need.
Allow some of your wants to be swallowed up by what you already have.

log-ing is good for the soul

Dialog  and conversation are so important to the soul. It's important to be able to express yourself with another person and to be a sounding board for which another person can express themselves. Sometimes the opportunity for this isn't ideal, our friends live far away and can't talk in person or it's already ten minutes to midnight and the idea of writing an email seems so exhausting. True personal, intimate communication takes effort and intention; it take effort to overcome our unintentional, attention-less society. Making yourself available to another person, not allowing yourself to monopolize the conversation - these things are important. Hearing what you are saying and what is being said to you, changes how you perceive yourself and how you are perceived by others.

 

This came up because I have come to see how important journaling is. Writing down stuff that is going on in life and in your brain is important. It can help you organize your thoughts, recognize patterns, remember what happened; journaling is like taking a snapshot of yourself but with words instead of images. It doesn't have to be and maybe it shouldn't be something the whole world needs to see. Looking over my old journals, I see things about myself then and now that I wouldn't have been aware of if I didn't have the written recording.

It is said that a person always makes time for the things that are truly important to them. I challenge all of us to take the time to consider what is truly important to us and if it's good for the soul, go for it! xo

virtual rule #9

Virtual Rule #9: Hospitality without the house

"It is unforgivable to be rude to anyone under your own roof..." -page 429, Etiquette In Society, In Business, In Politics and At Home, Emily Post

I snatched the above quote from a larger paragraph in which Emily Post is discussing hospitality but I would like to stretch it a bit. Being courteous and hospitable to people who are visiting your abode is a must of course but I  would change the above statement slightly to the following: "It is unforgivable to be rude to anyone who is under any roof with you." This means not just the roof of  your own home but any roof you find yourself under; at the dry cleaners, at the market, while dining under an awning or driving in a car - whatever place you find yourself, make it a place to showcase your hospitable and courteous nature.

If you cannot be at the least cordial with anyone you meet, anywhere you meet them - there's a problem. This is the second part I want to address. Snobbery is something that can sneak up. Don't be afraid to look others in the eye, whether it be the girl taking your order or the cashier rinning you up; whether it be the CEO of Facebook or the eccentric who might possibly be talking to themselves on the sidewalk, all our worthy of your equal respect. Allow yourself to be taken out of your busy and important day to say hello to a stranger or to hold a door open for someone else. (Take time to appreciate that you are not the only person out there. All the fellow cars in your way on the road, they contain people too. All the slowpokes in line ahead of you are waiting people too.)

Do courteous things not just for your stuffy Grandpa but for all people you come in contact with. Making the world a more civil place starts with each one of us as individuals choosing to be civil. Seemingly, civility isn't  always convenient but don't let inconvenience deter you from doing what is right. Don't whip out the manners only when you are trying to impress someone; keep awareness of others always on the behavioral table and then allow this awareness to turn into an appreciation for others and finally allow that appreciation to blossom into respect. Everyone is worthy of your attention and sincerest acknowledgment even if that means it takes you twenty seconds longer get to the next "to do" on your list. In the end it is people that matter most.

the warning Bell

"This is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins." 1 John 4:10

"And now I ask you, dear lady— not as though I were writing you a new commandment, but the one we have had from the beginning— that we love one another. And this is love, that we walk according to his commandments; this is the commandment, just as you have heard from the beginning, so that you should walk in it. For many deceivers have gone out into the world, those who do not confess the coming of Jesus Christ in the flesh. Such a one is the deceiver and the antichrist." 2 John 1:5-7

I have been thinking about God a lot this week, so much so that I realize how much I haven't been thinking about Him over the last many months. These last days I have been bringing my issues with God out onto the table instead of harboring them in darkness; issues like my deep mistrust of God and His love, my anger that Jesus had to die for me and my confusion about who is right when it comes to understanding God. Let me say that bringing these issues out was scary but ultimately I am finding that only through honesty and contemplation can anything really be dealt with.

The flip side to bringing out my issues with God is that God reminds me of his issues with me (and the rest of humanity). It is built into man to more readily take issue with God than to realize that it is really only he who has just cause to be at issue. The truth is, mankind isn't what he was created to be; the other truth is that it's not Gods fault.


Bell's version of love is ultimately toxic

Rob Bell has a new book coming out called "Love Wins." There was an article in TIME about it and the buzz has been all over the Internet. Evidently in the book, Bell claims that no one goes to hell; there is no hell. It's a pretty controversial things for pastor, teacher, shepherd of God's people, even just a proclaiming Christian to say. I haven't read the book and I really have no desire to expect that I know a lot of people my age are going to read it at face value, love it and believe it: that is what scares me.

Why do so many think that God allowing for a Hell is a bad thing for God to do? Can man (the created thing) call God (the Creator) unjust? I don't think so. The argument I have heard from some goes like this: "It would be unjust of God to punish man infinitely in hell for the things he did and believed in a finite lifetime." To that I say, "Well than I guess let hell stand to show you that mans life is not finite." What we believe here, right now, in this breath and the next one to come - really matters! How what we believe affects what we do, what we say, what we think - really matters! It matters! Instead of pointing us into an approved stupor of existentialism and nihilism shouldn't a brother in Christ be going in the other direction and point is into abounding hope and unspeakable joy that exists in Christ Jesus!?! Instead of plunging us into a fatalistic love affair with ourselves shouldn't a brother in Christ be plunging us into a love affair with "the glory of God in the face of Christ Jesus"!?! Instead of encouraging a man-centered gospel with a bent on loving man created art, man-centered labels and titles and pleasures shouldn't a brother in Christ be encouraging a primary love of God and furthering a passion to glorify God utmost in the things we mere men make and do!?! 

This is an official warning bell against Rob Bell with a call to get your face to the ground in prayer that God transforms his heart, mind and soul. And till that happens keeps his false doctrines from harming other people, believing and not.

Below is a link to a God-centered review of Rob Bell's book, "Love Wins":
God Is Still Holy and What You Learned in Sunday School Is Still True: A Review of “Love Wins”

unfathered bothered

I said to a fellow fatherless friend,

"It bothers me that she had baby.

(1) She's a Christian she has said.

(2) She's not married.

(3) She has had a baby.

It's like the puzzle worksheets from school:

Which one of these things doesn't belong?

I am not convicting her but I feel so convicted for her?

Does that make any sense?

Am I crazy to be bothered?"

"Everyone has faults, everyone has weaknesses."

"Its not an uncommon thing anymore."

"There is nothing that can be done."

"People have to do whats right for them."

"It's not our place to judge only love."

Now I am more bothered.

On behalf of fellow unfathered,

Especially the new and young, 

Too small to know how far they'll have yet to come.

Will doughnuts with dad be a thing of wonder?

Will last name differences be a weight to be under?

Forget what the unbelieving do, it is not a blunder;

They have no faith that is shown to be going asunder.

Pursuing passion in unholy ways;

Whatever reason for dark days.

A new life comes!!

May they be considered more than just another sum!

May the women not remain ho-hum!

May the world not remain numb!

Let all life come!

Ignoring the problem is just dumb!

Listen for the timing of God's drum!

Don't easily succumb! 

Thank God! that he takes the foolish things of the world and with them shames the wise. Thank God! that he uses all things in the end for the good of those who love him BUT do not make that an excuse to use other people as scratching posts for your physical pleasure. Make God's sovereignty not an excuse to be selfish. God's goodness is not a game for he will not fail to be good and do good BUT God has shown that creating life is no joking matter. As he is responsible for what he has made, so are we. Consider this well before diving down the rabbit hole of promiscuity, fornication and sexual immorality. I use harsh words for true realities.

Think of the child that could be created by your actions. Would the situation this new life is being created in be God honoring? Care for your unmade potential child more than you care for gratifying your lusts.

Examine your heart.
With creation comes responsibility.
There is a bond between intimacy and commitment.
Don't allow for just another statistic.

. (period - end of sentence]

Post started back in February 2011
Post finished on April 5, 2011

I make things too hard, too difficult. Take God for example. Sometimes I really think I am seeing clearly what He wants and then there are times when I haven't the slightest clue. I don't even know if it is possible to know what God wants and even if it is possible I have no idea how to communicate it without sounding like a George W Bush, Glen Beck looney. (Seriously, people who use the phrase "God told me..." are 99% of the time scary, whack jobs; I don't want to be a scary whack job.) This isn't so much because I fear what people think as I don't want to attribute to God something that in end had nothing to do with God; Manifest Destiny, the slaughter of the Native Americans, the instituting of a Pope, the deification of Mary, the creation of saints to pray to, the rise of antisemitism, the false rapture doctrine, the earthquake in Haiti, the breaking of the levees in New Orleans... these are just a few tragedies that certain "Christians" have attributed as to having "Gods blessing". God forbid I attribute my momentary thoughts, my fleeting words as Gods! What arrogance! What presumption!

I second guess that what I think is what I am supposed to think, that what I do is what I am supposed to do. I volley between feeling comfortable and confident to feeling unsure and afraid; I volley between trusting everything and doubting it all. I read something one day and feel like it is ultimate truth and then the next day it means so little to me. A great big truth shrinks down to a translucent vapor and Poof! it's gone. It's supposed to be all about faith, belief in Jesus Christ (John 6:29) but then the Bible also says in the book of James that , "faith without works is dead" so I jerk between legalism and conceited entitlement. Can one ever take God's love for granted? One can never earn God's love but is really good behavior required in order to keep His love? I feel like I am always going back to square one in the faith department. How much of what I believe is really true and how much does what I believe even matter in the grand scheme of things? At times I feel really lonely and insignificant; planet earth seems boundless and huge and I am so small, what does it matter ultimately what I think, feel or experience? All these question are probably giving you a headache, I know they give me one.

I sometimes think Paul would be disappointed in me, you know, Paul, the apostle. I wonder if he would have liked me. Would I have been someone he spoke well of or would it be the other way around, would I be someone he was disappointed in? Listen to what he says in 2 Timothy 4:10, "For Demas, in love with this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica." Ouch. Colossians 4:14 has Demas greeting others in the faith he evidently shares with them, so what happened? It really makes you wonder. Maybe Paul is writing about two different guys both named Demas but I don't think that's the case. It seems like Christians put Paul on a pedestal. "Oooo Paul!" Don't misunderstand, I like Paul too, I just don't want to deify him. Paul  was human was he not? He couldn't have always, always, always been right.

I guess what is eating at me lately is things like 1 Corinthians 14:34 for example. "Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak; but they are to be submissive, as the law also says." When did Jesus ever tell a woman to be silent because she was a woman? Yeah...never. Jesus treated women in such a counter-cultural way, it's beautiful. I know, I know some will say I have to take the verse in its greater context and Paul didn't mean it the way it sounds and yada yada yada. Paul just really irks me sometimes, there I've said it. I want to follow Jesus not Paul and just because Paul wrote something doesn't mean one shouldn't test it in the Spirit just like one should test ALL teaching that comes their way. I write all this and then I go read Romans and I am silent to speak any kind of criticism of Paul. Darn it. I guess we mortals are all mixed bags of right and wrong when left to ourselves; we need God's Spirit guiding us always in truth, to truth. Further reading regarding Paul required.

With this post I am pausing to appreciate the finality of the grammatical period (.) A period represents the end of a sentence, the end of a statement. In life I want an ending that I can be sure of. I want to know that I know something and that what I know about it is never going to change and never become wrong. I want to know that I know I have faith and that I will go on having faith.

Everything changes; I need one thing that wont. Period.

"God is not man, that he should lie,
   or a son of man, that he should change his mind.
Has he said, and will he not do it?
   Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?"
- Numbers 23:19

lion or lamb: marching on

March is done. I wanted to do a post before March ended, hence the post title but sometimes things get away from us. Like the song says, "You can't always get what you want." I remember a saying about the month of March, something like if it comes in like a lion it will go out like a lamb and vice versa. I can't remember what the weather was like when March started nor when it ended (dementia being what it is), all I can say is that I am really glad March is done.

Spring is the time of renewal and birth and I feel that those things are happening for me. I feel parts of myself coming back to life; like a seed having laid dormant all winter starting to sprout or a bear waking from hibernation, I feel hope flowing in my veins again. I feel like the distance I have put between myself and life is lessening. I feel a returning to the better parts of who I used to be and a greater understanding and realization of the bad parts.

"By yourself you're unprotected.
   With a friend you can face the worst..." Ecclesiastes 4:12 (The Message)

I am counting blessings and I can feel the heavy weight of grievances falling away. I'm looking for the good because there is good. The above verse is true and I will never forget it again. I thank God for the real friendships I have; standing the test of distance and time and life. I will not dwell one more second on people I don't understand, on people who have hurt me. I am taking the advice of Paul, Romans 12:18, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." I can do nothing about the actions and behavior of others but as much as it depends on me I will be kind, be patient, be loving and I will do it for my King who I love and who loves me. I will rejoice through my tears for great is The One who saves me though I don't deserve it.



Whatever lioness roaring storm or conflict,
Whatever innocent, peaceable lamb like moment,
I will march on, held in the hand of God,
While holding the hands of fellow friends.